I have not posted since my post surgery last Wednesday. I just have not been inspired but, rather, depressed. It is not easy being bed ridden for nearly a week. I know many face that in much longer stints.
I found myself craving fat foods to console my depression. Luckily I did not have any enablers nor did I really have much of an appetite.
But I find myself encouraged and re-inspired as I have lost 5.8 lbs since my last weigh in pre surgery. I weighed in at 228. A weight I sped by many moons ago.
Today I worked out in an Aqua Aerobics class which was harder than I thought. It really is all about resistance, I can put as much pressure agains the water as I feel comfortable to do. Plus the water is warm so the heart rate heats up pretty good. I have started walking too and while it takes much longer to burn calories than jogging, I find that this may too be enjoyable. This week I plan to take my running shoes and walk at lunch. I walked on Friday in dress shoes and regretted it...blisters. Being diabetic I cannot wound my feet.
This morning I brought out my slacks that have eluded me for many months. Stubborn they are to not have stretched with me. But I have shrunk back to fit into them. This is inspiring. I have a new suit that I have only worn a handful of times that I can wear again. I cannot wait. It is snappy suit, black with faint pin stripes. Snazzy. I have a few dress shirts that can come out from hiding as well. This is all very moving for me.
So how is the diet going? Well it is going well as far as results go. I do find myself having food out side of the plan. But not totally. I am having vegetables here and there. Which is part of the less restrictive plan that others are on. The "Phase 2" plan. I find that helps me keep my sanity.
I am feeling better, my incision points still hurt. Last night Ava pushed on one and oh boy! I felt like I had been shanked by "Baby Face" Torresluna. Good heavens. I cannot wait for full healing and recovery
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Wounded
Sitting in the Pre-Op room yesterday, getting ready for my surgery, I noticed one thing. I was the youngest patient in the area. Which caused me to think about why I was there. Then the Anesthesiologist said one thing about Diabetes that hit me.
"It ages you"
"It ages you." Wow. He is so right. For one, it shortens my life. Two: the ailments I suffer are more commonly suffered by those much older than me. Unfortunately, though, the age for those suffering from diabetes or are pre diabetic is getting younger and younger. (Insert public service announcement here)
I am ashamed of what I let myself get to. I am ashamed of the condition of my body. A condition caused solely by me. Not by McDonald's or any other food source. It is my responsibility to take care of "the temple" and I did not. "All things in moderation" so the adage goes. But my soul does not deal well with moderation...obviously. I am ashamed.
To those of you reading this I tell you this: Don't let yourself go.
Last night, I slept through the hour in which I was supposed to take my pain medicine. I woke up to take it at 3am but it would be too late. I began to feel the incisions, the missing organ, the air pushing against my shoulders. And it was a pain like I had never suffered before. And, mind you, I have been stepped on and trampled on by a 2 thousand pound bull, walkig away with only a hole in my leg and several bruises. I would gladly take that pain again. This pain was awful awful awful.
Don't let yourself go. Don't eat all that fat and raise your cholesterol and irritate your gall bladder's function. All those wonderful feelings of downing that beautiful steak, or ribs, burgers, fries, fried chicken, Turkey Skin (I love the crispy skin on the thanksgiving bird), chips, etc. All the satisfaction that comes with your overindulgence will fade and quickly. What will not fade is what it does to your body. What will not fade is the damage to your organs, your skin, your mind.
I am glad I suffered such horrendous pain. I will not forget it. I will remember it the next time I long for a cheeseburger. The next time I reach for a second Half Rack of ribs. Heck a serving of ribs is only 4 or six, I think.
That brings another point to mind. I and so many others have not idea what a serving is of anything. We are so uneducated when it comes to eating and eating well. But we know about living and living well which translates to over indulgence.
I am ashamed. I am ashamed that two years ago I ran off my weight and inspired so many in my circle and so many that read the article of my success. I gained it all back and lost a bit of my pride...a lot really. It is hard to have any pride when you are wearing a hospital gown and your rear is out for all the world to see.
I am ashamed that I have to suffer such intense pain and wear the scars now. Wounds....wounds that serve as a reminder of my reckless folly. I pray it keeps me motivated to treat my body better. It is mine to steward and I have not.
Life is meant to be enjoyed. God has given us the senses to enjoy all that he has created and all that man, with His creativity, has created. And He has given us free will. Will to choose what we do with His gifts and creations. To quote a line for Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade, the scene when the villain drinks from what he thought was the Holy Grail then dies.
"He chose poorly"
I have chosen poorly. Time and again. I have a family now that needs me to be around in all my health, not in all my fatty glory. So, I believe, God has brought me to this and has allowed the wounding to create a new man. And I am thankful for the scars for they will serve as a reminder.
"It ages you"
"It ages you." Wow. He is so right. For one, it shortens my life. Two: the ailments I suffer are more commonly suffered by those much older than me. Unfortunately, though, the age for those suffering from diabetes or are pre diabetic is getting younger and younger. (Insert public service announcement here)
I am ashamed of what I let myself get to. I am ashamed of the condition of my body. A condition caused solely by me. Not by McDonald's or any other food source. It is my responsibility to take care of "the temple" and I did not. "All things in moderation" so the adage goes. But my soul does not deal well with moderation...obviously. I am ashamed.
To those of you reading this I tell you this: Don't let yourself go.
Last night, I slept through the hour in which I was supposed to take my pain medicine. I woke up to take it at 3am but it would be too late. I began to feel the incisions, the missing organ, the air pushing against my shoulders. And it was a pain like I had never suffered before. And, mind you, I have been stepped on and trampled on by a 2 thousand pound bull, walkig away with only a hole in my leg and several bruises. I would gladly take that pain again. This pain was awful awful awful.
Don't let yourself go. Don't eat all that fat and raise your cholesterol and irritate your gall bladder's function. All those wonderful feelings of downing that beautiful steak, or ribs, burgers, fries, fried chicken, Turkey Skin (I love the crispy skin on the thanksgiving bird), chips, etc. All the satisfaction that comes with your overindulgence will fade and quickly. What will not fade is what it does to your body. What will not fade is the damage to your organs, your skin, your mind.
I am glad I suffered such horrendous pain. I will not forget it. I will remember it the next time I long for a cheeseburger. The next time I reach for a second Half Rack of ribs. Heck a serving of ribs is only 4 or six, I think.
That brings another point to mind. I and so many others have not idea what a serving is of anything. We are so uneducated when it comes to eating and eating well. But we know about living and living well which translates to over indulgence.
I am ashamed. I am ashamed that two years ago I ran off my weight and inspired so many in my circle and so many that read the article of my success. I gained it all back and lost a bit of my pride...a lot really. It is hard to have any pride when you are wearing a hospital gown and your rear is out for all the world to see.
I am ashamed that I have to suffer such intense pain and wear the scars now. Wounds....wounds that serve as a reminder of my reckless folly. I pray it keeps me motivated to treat my body better. It is mine to steward and I have not.
Life is meant to be enjoyed. God has given us the senses to enjoy all that he has created and all that man, with His creativity, has created. And He has given us free will. Will to choose what we do with His gifts and creations. To quote a line for Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade, the scene when the villain drinks from what he thought was the Holy Grail then dies.
I have chosen poorly. Time and again. I have a family now that needs me to be around in all my health, not in all my fatty glory. So, I believe, God has brought me to this and has allowed the wounding to create a new man. And I am thankful for the scars for they will serve as a reminder.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Week 1.5 update
Because of my impending surgery, my weigh in came early. Which meant that I would not see a necessarily big number or comparable number to last week. But, nonetheless, there was loss. I lost 4 lbs since the last weigh in. I have consistently lost about a pound a day since starting the program. Since I first met the doc in January, I have lost 21 lbs. This is good. Very Good.
I still fear the surgery and the fact that exercise will be limited for a long time. I pray for quick healing so I can get back to the gym and the bike quickly.
I still fear the surgery and the fact that exercise will be limited for a long time. I pray for quick healing so I can get back to the gym and the bike quickly.
48 Hours
In about 48 hours I will be "going under the knife" for a removal of my gall bladder. I am a bit nervous about it since I have never gone in for surgery at least not one in which I am complete out. I am also fearing the coming pain. It will be different than anything I have ever felt. It will be internal pain. Now I have been stepped on by Horses and Bulls, but having instruments probe my innards, well that sounds like a different kind of pain.
Still I find it necessary to share what Gall Stones are and why they can cause serious damage. This is cut and pasted by the way.
What are gallstones?
Gallstones are small, pebble-like substances that develop in the gallbladder. The gallbladder is a small, pear-shaped sac located below your liver in the right upper abdomen. Gallstones form when liquid stored in the gallbladder hardens into pieces of stone-like material. The liquid—called bile—helps the body digest fats. Bile is made in the liver, then stored in the gallbladder until the body needs it. The gallbladder contracts and pushes the bile into a tube—called the common bile duct—that carries it to the small intestine, where it helps with digestion.
Bile contains water, cholesterol, fats, bile salts, proteins, and bilirubin—a waste product. Bile salts break up fat, and bilirubin gives bile and stool a yellowish-brown color. If the liquid bile contains too much cholesterol, bile salts, or bilirubin, it can harden into gallstones.
The two types of gallstones are cholesterol stones and pigment stones. Cholesterol stones are usually yellow-green and are made primarily of hardened cholesterol. They account for about 80 percent of gallstones. Pigment stones are small, dark stones made of bilirubin. Gallstones can be as small as a grain of sand or as large as a golf ball. The gallbladder can develop just one large stone, hundreds of tiny stones, or a combination of the two.
The gallbladder and the ducts that carry bile and other digestive enzymes from the liver, gallbladder, and pancreas to the small intestine are called the biliary system.
Gallstones can block the normal flow of bile if they move from the gallbladder and lodge in any of the ducts that carry bile from the liver to the small intestine. The ducts include the
•hepatic ducts, which carry bile out of the liver
•cystic duct, which takes bile to and from the gallbladder
•common bile duct, which takes bile from the cystic and hepatic ducts to the small intestine
Bile trapped in these ducts can cause inflammation in the gallbladder, the ducts, or in rare cases, the liver. Other ducts open into the common bile duct, including the pancreatic duct, which carries digestive enzymes out of the pancreas. Sometimes gallstones passing through the common bile duct provoke inflammation in the pancreas—called gallstone pancreatitis—an extremely painful and potentially dangerous condition.
If any of the bile ducts remain blocked for a significant period of time, severe damage or infection can occur in the gallbladder, liver, or pancreas. Left untreated, the condition can be fatal. Warning signs of a serious problem are fever, jaundice, and persistent pain.
What causes gallstones?
Scientists believe cholesterol stones form when bile contains too much cholesterol, too much bilirubin, or not enough bile salts, or when the gallbladder does not empty completely or often enough. The reason these imbalances occur is not known.
The cause of pigment stones is not fully understood. The stones tend to develop in people who have liver cirrhosis, biliary tract infections, or hereditary blood disorders—such as sickle cell anemia—in which the liver makes too much bilirubin.
The mere presence of gallstones may cause more gallstones to develop. Other factors that contribute to the formation of gallstones, particularly cholesterol stones, include
•Sex. Women are twice as likely as men to develop gallstones. Excess estrogen from pregnancy, hormone replacement therapy, and birth control pills appears to increase cholesterol levels in bile and decrease gallbladder movement, which can lead to gallstones.
•Family history. Gallstones often run in families, pointing to a possible genetic link.
•Weight. A large clinical study showed that being even moderately overweight increases the risk for developing gallstones. The most likely reason is that the amount of bile salts in bile is reduced, resulting in more cholesterol. Increased cholesterol reduces gallbladder emptying. Obesity is a major risk factor for gallstones, especially in women.
•Diet. Diets high in fat and cholesterol and low in fiber increase the risk of gallstones due to increased cholesterol in the bile and reduced gallbladder emptying.
•Rapid weight loss. As the body metabolizes fat during prolonged fasting and rapid weight loss—such as “crash diets”—the liver secretes extra cholesterol into bile, which can cause gallstones. In addition, the gallbladder does not empty properly.
•Age. People older than age 60 are more likely to develop gallstones than younger people. As people age, the body tends to secrete more cholesterol into bile.
•Ethnicity. American Indians have a genetic predisposition to secrete high levels of cholesterol in bile. In fact, they have the highest rate of gallstones in the United States. The majority of American Indian men have gallstones by age 60. Among the Pima Indians of Arizona, 70 percent of women have gallstones by age 30. Mexican American men and women of all ages also have high rates of gallstones.
•Cholesterol-lowering drugs. Drugs that lower cholesterol levels in the blood actually increase the amount of cholesterol secreted into bile. In turn, the risk of gallstones increases.
•Diabetes. People with diabetes generally have high levels of fatty acids called triglycerides. These fatty acids may increase the risk of gallstones.
Who is at risk for gallstones?
People at risk for gallstones include
•women—especially women who are pregnant, use hormone replacement therapy, or take birth control pills
•people over age 60
•American Indians
•Mexican Americans
•overweight or obese men and women
•people who fast or lose a lot of weight quickly
•people with a family history of gallstones
•people with diabetes
•people who take cholesterol-lowering drugs
Still I find it necessary to share what Gall Stones are and why they can cause serious damage. This is cut and pasted by the way.
What are gallstones?
Gallstones are small, pebble-like substances that develop in the gallbladder. The gallbladder is a small, pear-shaped sac located below your liver in the right upper abdomen. Gallstones form when liquid stored in the gallbladder hardens into pieces of stone-like material. The liquid—called bile—helps the body digest fats. Bile is made in the liver, then stored in the gallbladder until the body needs it. The gallbladder contracts and pushes the bile into a tube—called the common bile duct—that carries it to the small intestine, where it helps with digestion.
Bile contains water, cholesterol, fats, bile salts, proteins, and bilirubin—a waste product. Bile salts break up fat, and bilirubin gives bile and stool a yellowish-brown color. If the liquid bile contains too much cholesterol, bile salts, or bilirubin, it can harden into gallstones.
The two types of gallstones are cholesterol stones and pigment stones. Cholesterol stones are usually yellow-green and are made primarily of hardened cholesterol. They account for about 80 percent of gallstones. Pigment stones are small, dark stones made of bilirubin. Gallstones can be as small as a grain of sand or as large as a golf ball. The gallbladder can develop just one large stone, hundreds of tiny stones, or a combination of the two.
The gallbladder and the ducts that carry bile and other digestive enzymes from the liver, gallbladder, and pancreas to the small intestine are called the biliary system.
Gallstones can block the normal flow of bile if they move from the gallbladder and lodge in any of the ducts that carry bile from the liver to the small intestine. The ducts include the
•hepatic ducts, which carry bile out of the liver
•cystic duct, which takes bile to and from the gallbladder
•common bile duct, which takes bile from the cystic and hepatic ducts to the small intestine
Bile trapped in these ducts can cause inflammation in the gallbladder, the ducts, or in rare cases, the liver. Other ducts open into the common bile duct, including the pancreatic duct, which carries digestive enzymes out of the pancreas. Sometimes gallstones passing through the common bile duct provoke inflammation in the pancreas—called gallstone pancreatitis—an extremely painful and potentially dangerous condition.
If any of the bile ducts remain blocked for a significant period of time, severe damage or infection can occur in the gallbladder, liver, or pancreas. Left untreated, the condition can be fatal. Warning signs of a serious problem are fever, jaundice, and persistent pain.
What causes gallstones?
Scientists believe cholesterol stones form when bile contains too much cholesterol, too much bilirubin, or not enough bile salts, or when the gallbladder does not empty completely or often enough. The reason these imbalances occur is not known.
The cause of pigment stones is not fully understood. The stones tend to develop in people who have liver cirrhosis, biliary tract infections, or hereditary blood disorders—such as sickle cell anemia—in which the liver makes too much bilirubin.
The mere presence of gallstones may cause more gallstones to develop. Other factors that contribute to the formation of gallstones, particularly cholesterol stones, include
•Sex. Women are twice as likely as men to develop gallstones. Excess estrogen from pregnancy, hormone replacement therapy, and birth control pills appears to increase cholesterol levels in bile and decrease gallbladder movement, which can lead to gallstones.
•Family history. Gallstones often run in families, pointing to a possible genetic link.
•Weight. A large clinical study showed that being even moderately overweight increases the risk for developing gallstones. The most likely reason is that the amount of bile salts in bile is reduced, resulting in more cholesterol. Increased cholesterol reduces gallbladder emptying. Obesity is a major risk factor for gallstones, especially in women.
•Diet. Diets high in fat and cholesterol and low in fiber increase the risk of gallstones due to increased cholesterol in the bile and reduced gallbladder emptying.
•Rapid weight loss. As the body metabolizes fat during prolonged fasting and rapid weight loss—such as “crash diets”—the liver secretes extra cholesterol into bile, which can cause gallstones. In addition, the gallbladder does not empty properly.
•Age. People older than age 60 are more likely to develop gallstones than younger people. As people age, the body tends to secrete more cholesterol into bile.
•Ethnicity. American Indians have a genetic predisposition to secrete high levels of cholesterol in bile. In fact, they have the highest rate of gallstones in the United States. The majority of American Indian men have gallstones by age 60. Among the Pima Indians of Arizona, 70 percent of women have gallstones by age 30. Mexican American men and women of all ages also have high rates of gallstones.
•Cholesterol-lowering drugs. Drugs that lower cholesterol levels in the blood actually increase the amount of cholesterol secreted into bile. In turn, the risk of gallstones increases.
•Diabetes. People with diabetes generally have high levels of fatty acids called triglycerides. These fatty acids may increase the risk of gallstones.
Who is at risk for gallstones?
People at risk for gallstones include
•women—especially women who are pregnant, use hormone replacement therapy, or take birth control pills
•people over age 60
•American Indians
•Mexican Americans
•overweight or obese men and women
•people who fast or lose a lot of weight quickly
•people with a family history of gallstones
•people with diabetes
•people who take cholesterol-lowering drugs
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Oops I did it again!
So I decided we would go out to eat tonight, after all it is Valentine's day. And yes, we all need to learn not to associate food with events, but alas I succumbed and indulged in non plan food. Which is not allowed. So don't tell on me.
Nonetheless I stayed on plan. Using the clues of Phase II of the plan, which allows the consumption of fruits and vegetables, I ordered a baked potato, with nothiing on it. And a salad, no dressing. I brought my own calorie free dressing. /
Walden Farms makes ZERO calorie items and they are quite tasty. http://www.waldenfarms.com
I then brought my Turkey and Beans Chili HMR meal and poured it on top of my potato. While waiting for our meals to arrive, I asked for a plate of carrot sticks and celery sticks. We used the dressing we brought and munched. It was quite ingenious, I must say. And enjoyable. WHile I did break the rules, I am proud that I did not jump off the wagon. But I hung on tight like Indiana Jones did on that Army Truck in Raiders of the Lost Ark!
Nonetheless I stayed on plan. Using the clues of Phase II of the plan, which allows the consumption of fruits and vegetables, I ordered a baked potato, with nothiing on it. And a salad, no dressing. I brought my own calorie free dressing. /
Walden Farms makes ZERO calorie items and they are quite tasty. http://www.waldenfarms.com
I then brought my Turkey and Beans Chili HMR meal and poured it on top of my potato. While waiting for our meals to arrive, I asked for a plate of carrot sticks and celery sticks. We used the dressing we brought and munched. It was quite ingenious, I must say. And enjoyable. WHile I did break the rules, I am proud that I did not jump off the wagon. But I hung on tight like Indiana Jones did on that Army Truck in Raiders of the Lost Ark!
I am proud of myself.
Oh, and by the way, I was VERY full VERY quickly. I could not finish the potato nor the salad. So my tummy is shrinking, from the inside anyway.
Which brings me to another observation. Because I eat every 2 hours, I have found that I am not as hungry anymore. In fact I had to force myself to eat breakfast...2 hours after I woke up. Usually I have to eat within minutes of waking up. This is a very interesting development, but I surmise that it is because my metabolism is up. Which is fine by me.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Food Is Fuel, Not Our Friend
Remember Finding Nemo? The sharks' support group would say, "Fish are friends, not food!" I was reminded of this at my last weight loss class. A few of the participants had complaints about the taste and variety of the prepared meals. Despite the fact that these folks could add fruits and vegetables whereas I cannot, they still found something to complain about. Granted, this is not pre-packaged Maestro's or Morton's or mama's home cooking. It is prepackaged food for a weight loss program.
So I thought about this for a while afterwards, of course. And of course, I have some thoughts.
We are there in that meeting, in that program because of our love of food. We love the way it tastes, the memories it brings back, the memories it makes. Our whole life has revolved around food. Birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, etc. has been centered around food. The joy of cooking it ourselves, preparing it, seasoning it. So we have developed an addiction. We are here because we need to break off the love affair and use food as fuel to live and nothing else. We must approach it as fuel for our next activity and nothing else.
Food provides calories for our bodies to burn in its activities. It is intended to keep us alive. For some they can enjoy large amounts of it and not have a problem with weight gain. Although, I must say that cases of thin, in shape people suffering from high cholesterol is on the rise. So that may not be wholly true.
We are not as fortunate. We love food and food loves us. Therefore we must reprogram our brains..our bodies, our spirits. This will be hard. But for the next 12 weeks we eat to lose weight, we eat to take the next step, the next step towards a longer life.
We have been alive to food for too long. We must bury that person and resurrect as one who is alive to a whole new life...a life not revolved around food. A life revolved around others and not food.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Frustrating news...
This really stinks! I am having my Gall Bladder removed on Wednesday as well as multiple stones. I found out today that the surgeon recomends no exercise for 2 months!!!! 2 WHOLE MONTHS!!!
I have a call into my other Doctor to see if this is accurate. The problem is that if I am to make my goal, I need to burn 2-3000 calorie a week. If I cannot get up an move on even a bike, this will not happen. I cannot believe this. This is very discouraging...
I have a call into my other Doctor to see if this is accurate. The problem is that if I am to make my goal, I need to burn 2-3000 calorie a week. If I cannot get up an move on even a bike, this will not happen. I cannot believe this. This is very discouraging...
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