Why "The Long Kiss Goodbye?"

I love food. I love cooking it, serving it, eating it. I love the smells, the flavor, the experience of food. It is an orgiastic feast of the senses that gives me great pleasure. I have loved food so long that I can say with certainty that it was my first lover.

As with any lover, she gives and she takes. But what she gives so often outweighs what she takes. She is the mistress of my life but not one that I keep a secret. No no. It is no secret that she is my lover. The whole world knows of our sordid, decades long romance. She is a temptress and a seductress who is found at every corner seeking to devour me...seeking for me to devour her. To drink in her delicasy is to experience love for the very first time, every time.

At every corner she is there seeking me. On every channel of the TV and Radio she is calling me to her. Seduced by her very appearance I begin to fantasize of her aromas, her depth of flavors, the warm filling sensation of partaking. She is the lover of my life, the one that has always been there. From her most simplistic forms to the elaborate feast, I seek her exquistiness at every turn.

She is the reason I go to parties, the reason I spend the cash in my pocket. She is the one that too often soothes an aching soul. She invites me to enjoy her and like a love struck schoolboy succumb to her beck and call. She is the first thought of my day and the last.

But alas, I am jilting my lover. I am leaving her for she has devoured me to the point of death. She has taken more than she has ever given. She has given, oh yes. But at what price has this seductress taken me? Is being a part of my children's life the price I must pay to love you? To have you love me? Do you love me? Or have I let myself be fooled, distracted by your overwheling control of all my senses.

I recall one day. My family was gone for the eveining. All day I plotted my evening alone. I would leave work and head straight to the store  and purchase the most beautifully marbd steak at the counter. Thick, juicy, full of promise. Indeed for I have spent the day researching different ways to prepare it. Looking for the one method that would surely give me the most pleasure in preparation and in eating. Next I would seek out the perfect accompaniment. Salad? Asparagus? Potato....ah yess a nice large Russet potato. The biggest one on the block. But food was not enough, next would be the perfect drink.  A nice cabernet. Then I would drive home listening to the most elegant of music preparing myself for the dance that would start upon arrival. First the seasoning, only the finest combination will do. For I want the complexity of the experience upon the first bite. With song playing and the pour of the wine, we start the dance. Giving way to the sweet aromas from the grill and stove. Ahh yess. I am loving this and I feel loved. I am feasting even now while the food is cooking. All culminating at a finely set table.

I am alone but I am not alone.  am with my lover the one who has been there my whole life and oh she has not let me down tonight. What a feast! What a celebration of the senses!

So long lover. You are mine no more. You have destroyed me, consumed me to the point of destruction. I will leave you. I would thank you for the memories but looking back now, you were killing me bite by bite, smell by smell, drink by drink. You sought control of me and I let you have it for the promises you made. But you always broke those promises. Wretched lover!

Surely I will be victorious. I will not be controlled by you any longer. You are mine now. But I am not yours. You will come only when I call, when I need you. You may try to lure me back; but, I am done with you. You are small to me now. Insignificant. Be damned lover! I am a new man now.

A new man now.