I have not posted since my post surgery last Wednesday. I just have not been inspired but, rather, depressed. It is not easy being bed ridden for nearly a week. I know many face that in much longer stints.
I found myself craving fat foods to console my depression. Luckily I did not have any enablers nor did I really have much of an appetite.
But I find myself encouraged and re-inspired as I have lost 5.8 lbs since my last weigh in pre surgery. I weighed in at 228. A weight I sped by many moons ago.
Today I worked out in an Aqua Aerobics class which was harder than I thought. It really is all about resistance, I can put as much pressure agains the water as I feel comfortable to do. Plus the water is warm so the heart rate heats up pretty good. I have started walking too and while it takes much longer to burn calories than jogging, I find that this may too be enjoyable. This week I plan to take my running shoes and walk at lunch. I walked on Friday in dress shoes and regretted it...blisters. Being diabetic I cannot wound my feet.
This morning I brought out my slacks that have eluded me for many months. Stubborn they are to not have stretched with me. But I have shrunk back to fit into them. This is inspiring. I have a new suit that I have only worn a handful of times that I can wear again. I cannot wait. It is snappy suit, black with faint pin stripes. Snazzy. I have a few dress shirts that can come out from hiding as well. This is all very moving for me.
So how is the diet going? Well it is going well as far as results go. I do find myself having food out side of the plan. But not totally. I am having vegetables here and there. Which is part of the less restrictive plan that others are on. The "Phase 2" plan. I find that helps me keep my sanity.
I am feeling better, my incision points still hurt. Last night Ava pushed on one and oh boy! I felt like I had been shanked by "Baby Face" Torresluna. Good heavens. I cannot wait for full healing and recovery
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Wounded
Sitting in the Pre-Op room yesterday, getting ready for my surgery, I noticed one thing. I was the youngest patient in the area. Which caused me to think about why I was there. Then the Anesthesiologist said one thing about Diabetes that hit me.
"It ages you"
"It ages you." Wow. He is so right. For one, it shortens my life. Two: the ailments I suffer are more commonly suffered by those much older than me. Unfortunately, though, the age for those suffering from diabetes or are pre diabetic is getting younger and younger. (Insert public service announcement here)
I am ashamed of what I let myself get to. I am ashamed of the condition of my body. A condition caused solely by me. Not by McDonald's or any other food source. It is my responsibility to take care of "the temple" and I did not. "All things in moderation" so the adage goes. But my soul does not deal well with moderation...obviously. I am ashamed.
To those of you reading this I tell you this: Don't let yourself go.
Last night, I slept through the hour in which I was supposed to take my pain medicine. I woke up to take it at 3am but it would be too late. I began to feel the incisions, the missing organ, the air pushing against my shoulders. And it was a pain like I had never suffered before. And, mind you, I have been stepped on and trampled on by a 2 thousand pound bull, walkig away with only a hole in my leg and several bruises. I would gladly take that pain again. This pain was awful awful awful.
Don't let yourself go. Don't eat all that fat and raise your cholesterol and irritate your gall bladder's function. All those wonderful feelings of downing that beautiful steak, or ribs, burgers, fries, fried chicken, Turkey Skin (I love the crispy skin on the thanksgiving bird), chips, etc. All the satisfaction that comes with your overindulgence will fade and quickly. What will not fade is what it does to your body. What will not fade is the damage to your organs, your skin, your mind.
I am glad I suffered such horrendous pain. I will not forget it. I will remember it the next time I long for a cheeseburger. The next time I reach for a second Half Rack of ribs. Heck a serving of ribs is only 4 or six, I think.
That brings another point to mind. I and so many others have not idea what a serving is of anything. We are so uneducated when it comes to eating and eating well. But we know about living and living well which translates to over indulgence.
I am ashamed. I am ashamed that two years ago I ran off my weight and inspired so many in my circle and so many that read the article of my success. I gained it all back and lost a bit of my pride...a lot really. It is hard to have any pride when you are wearing a hospital gown and your rear is out for all the world to see.
I am ashamed that I have to suffer such intense pain and wear the scars now. Wounds....wounds that serve as a reminder of my reckless folly. I pray it keeps me motivated to treat my body better. It is mine to steward and I have not.
Life is meant to be enjoyed. God has given us the senses to enjoy all that he has created and all that man, with His creativity, has created. And He has given us free will. Will to choose what we do with His gifts and creations. To quote a line for Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade, the scene when the villain drinks from what he thought was the Holy Grail then dies.
"He chose poorly"
I have chosen poorly. Time and again. I have a family now that needs me to be around in all my health, not in all my fatty glory. So, I believe, God has brought me to this and has allowed the wounding to create a new man. And I am thankful for the scars for they will serve as a reminder.
"It ages you"
"It ages you." Wow. He is so right. For one, it shortens my life. Two: the ailments I suffer are more commonly suffered by those much older than me. Unfortunately, though, the age for those suffering from diabetes or are pre diabetic is getting younger and younger. (Insert public service announcement here)
I am ashamed of what I let myself get to. I am ashamed of the condition of my body. A condition caused solely by me. Not by McDonald's or any other food source. It is my responsibility to take care of "the temple" and I did not. "All things in moderation" so the adage goes. But my soul does not deal well with moderation...obviously. I am ashamed.
To those of you reading this I tell you this: Don't let yourself go.
Last night, I slept through the hour in which I was supposed to take my pain medicine. I woke up to take it at 3am but it would be too late. I began to feel the incisions, the missing organ, the air pushing against my shoulders. And it was a pain like I had never suffered before. And, mind you, I have been stepped on and trampled on by a 2 thousand pound bull, walkig away with only a hole in my leg and several bruises. I would gladly take that pain again. This pain was awful awful awful.
Don't let yourself go. Don't eat all that fat and raise your cholesterol and irritate your gall bladder's function. All those wonderful feelings of downing that beautiful steak, or ribs, burgers, fries, fried chicken, Turkey Skin (I love the crispy skin on the thanksgiving bird), chips, etc. All the satisfaction that comes with your overindulgence will fade and quickly. What will not fade is what it does to your body. What will not fade is the damage to your organs, your skin, your mind.
I am glad I suffered such horrendous pain. I will not forget it. I will remember it the next time I long for a cheeseburger. The next time I reach for a second Half Rack of ribs. Heck a serving of ribs is only 4 or six, I think.
That brings another point to mind. I and so many others have not idea what a serving is of anything. We are so uneducated when it comes to eating and eating well. But we know about living and living well which translates to over indulgence.
I am ashamed. I am ashamed that two years ago I ran off my weight and inspired so many in my circle and so many that read the article of my success. I gained it all back and lost a bit of my pride...a lot really. It is hard to have any pride when you are wearing a hospital gown and your rear is out for all the world to see.
I am ashamed that I have to suffer such intense pain and wear the scars now. Wounds....wounds that serve as a reminder of my reckless folly. I pray it keeps me motivated to treat my body better. It is mine to steward and I have not.
Life is meant to be enjoyed. God has given us the senses to enjoy all that he has created and all that man, with His creativity, has created. And He has given us free will. Will to choose what we do with His gifts and creations. To quote a line for Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade, the scene when the villain drinks from what he thought was the Holy Grail then dies.
I have chosen poorly. Time and again. I have a family now that needs me to be around in all my health, not in all my fatty glory. So, I believe, God has brought me to this and has allowed the wounding to create a new man. And I am thankful for the scars for they will serve as a reminder.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Week 1.5 update
Because of my impending surgery, my weigh in came early. Which meant that I would not see a necessarily big number or comparable number to last week. But, nonetheless, there was loss. I lost 4 lbs since the last weigh in. I have consistently lost about a pound a day since starting the program. Since I first met the doc in January, I have lost 21 lbs. This is good. Very Good.
I still fear the surgery and the fact that exercise will be limited for a long time. I pray for quick healing so I can get back to the gym and the bike quickly.
I still fear the surgery and the fact that exercise will be limited for a long time. I pray for quick healing so I can get back to the gym and the bike quickly.
48 Hours
In about 48 hours I will be "going under the knife" for a removal of my gall bladder. I am a bit nervous about it since I have never gone in for surgery at least not one in which I am complete out. I am also fearing the coming pain. It will be different than anything I have ever felt. It will be internal pain. Now I have been stepped on by Horses and Bulls, but having instruments probe my innards, well that sounds like a different kind of pain.
Still I find it necessary to share what Gall Stones are and why they can cause serious damage. This is cut and pasted by the way.
What are gallstones?
Gallstones are small, pebble-like substances that develop in the gallbladder. The gallbladder is a small, pear-shaped sac located below your liver in the right upper abdomen. Gallstones form when liquid stored in the gallbladder hardens into pieces of stone-like material. The liquid—called bile—helps the body digest fats. Bile is made in the liver, then stored in the gallbladder until the body needs it. The gallbladder contracts and pushes the bile into a tube—called the common bile duct—that carries it to the small intestine, where it helps with digestion.
Bile contains water, cholesterol, fats, bile salts, proteins, and bilirubin—a waste product. Bile salts break up fat, and bilirubin gives bile and stool a yellowish-brown color. If the liquid bile contains too much cholesterol, bile salts, or bilirubin, it can harden into gallstones.
The two types of gallstones are cholesterol stones and pigment stones. Cholesterol stones are usually yellow-green and are made primarily of hardened cholesterol. They account for about 80 percent of gallstones. Pigment stones are small, dark stones made of bilirubin. Gallstones can be as small as a grain of sand or as large as a golf ball. The gallbladder can develop just one large stone, hundreds of tiny stones, or a combination of the two.
The gallbladder and the ducts that carry bile and other digestive enzymes from the liver, gallbladder, and pancreas to the small intestine are called the biliary system.
Gallstones can block the normal flow of bile if they move from the gallbladder and lodge in any of the ducts that carry bile from the liver to the small intestine. The ducts include the
•hepatic ducts, which carry bile out of the liver
•cystic duct, which takes bile to and from the gallbladder
•common bile duct, which takes bile from the cystic and hepatic ducts to the small intestine
Bile trapped in these ducts can cause inflammation in the gallbladder, the ducts, or in rare cases, the liver. Other ducts open into the common bile duct, including the pancreatic duct, which carries digestive enzymes out of the pancreas. Sometimes gallstones passing through the common bile duct provoke inflammation in the pancreas—called gallstone pancreatitis—an extremely painful and potentially dangerous condition.
If any of the bile ducts remain blocked for a significant period of time, severe damage or infection can occur in the gallbladder, liver, or pancreas. Left untreated, the condition can be fatal. Warning signs of a serious problem are fever, jaundice, and persistent pain.
What causes gallstones?
Scientists believe cholesterol stones form when bile contains too much cholesterol, too much bilirubin, or not enough bile salts, or when the gallbladder does not empty completely or often enough. The reason these imbalances occur is not known.
The cause of pigment stones is not fully understood. The stones tend to develop in people who have liver cirrhosis, biliary tract infections, or hereditary blood disorders—such as sickle cell anemia—in which the liver makes too much bilirubin.
The mere presence of gallstones may cause more gallstones to develop. Other factors that contribute to the formation of gallstones, particularly cholesterol stones, include
•Sex. Women are twice as likely as men to develop gallstones. Excess estrogen from pregnancy, hormone replacement therapy, and birth control pills appears to increase cholesterol levels in bile and decrease gallbladder movement, which can lead to gallstones.
•Family history. Gallstones often run in families, pointing to a possible genetic link.
•Weight. A large clinical study showed that being even moderately overweight increases the risk for developing gallstones. The most likely reason is that the amount of bile salts in bile is reduced, resulting in more cholesterol. Increased cholesterol reduces gallbladder emptying. Obesity is a major risk factor for gallstones, especially in women.
•Diet. Diets high in fat and cholesterol and low in fiber increase the risk of gallstones due to increased cholesterol in the bile and reduced gallbladder emptying.
•Rapid weight loss. As the body metabolizes fat during prolonged fasting and rapid weight loss—such as “crash diets”—the liver secretes extra cholesterol into bile, which can cause gallstones. In addition, the gallbladder does not empty properly.
•Age. People older than age 60 are more likely to develop gallstones than younger people. As people age, the body tends to secrete more cholesterol into bile.
•Ethnicity. American Indians have a genetic predisposition to secrete high levels of cholesterol in bile. In fact, they have the highest rate of gallstones in the United States. The majority of American Indian men have gallstones by age 60. Among the Pima Indians of Arizona, 70 percent of women have gallstones by age 30. Mexican American men and women of all ages also have high rates of gallstones.
•Cholesterol-lowering drugs. Drugs that lower cholesterol levels in the blood actually increase the amount of cholesterol secreted into bile. In turn, the risk of gallstones increases.
•Diabetes. People with diabetes generally have high levels of fatty acids called triglycerides. These fatty acids may increase the risk of gallstones.
Who is at risk for gallstones?
People at risk for gallstones include
•women—especially women who are pregnant, use hormone replacement therapy, or take birth control pills
•people over age 60
•American Indians
•Mexican Americans
•overweight or obese men and women
•people who fast or lose a lot of weight quickly
•people with a family history of gallstones
•people with diabetes
•people who take cholesterol-lowering drugs
Still I find it necessary to share what Gall Stones are and why they can cause serious damage. This is cut and pasted by the way.
What are gallstones?
Gallstones are small, pebble-like substances that develop in the gallbladder. The gallbladder is a small, pear-shaped sac located below your liver in the right upper abdomen. Gallstones form when liquid stored in the gallbladder hardens into pieces of stone-like material. The liquid—called bile—helps the body digest fats. Bile is made in the liver, then stored in the gallbladder until the body needs it. The gallbladder contracts and pushes the bile into a tube—called the common bile duct—that carries it to the small intestine, where it helps with digestion.
Bile contains water, cholesterol, fats, bile salts, proteins, and bilirubin—a waste product. Bile salts break up fat, and bilirubin gives bile and stool a yellowish-brown color. If the liquid bile contains too much cholesterol, bile salts, or bilirubin, it can harden into gallstones.
The two types of gallstones are cholesterol stones and pigment stones. Cholesterol stones are usually yellow-green and are made primarily of hardened cholesterol. They account for about 80 percent of gallstones. Pigment stones are small, dark stones made of bilirubin. Gallstones can be as small as a grain of sand or as large as a golf ball. The gallbladder can develop just one large stone, hundreds of tiny stones, or a combination of the two.
The gallbladder and the ducts that carry bile and other digestive enzymes from the liver, gallbladder, and pancreas to the small intestine are called the biliary system.
Gallstones can block the normal flow of bile if they move from the gallbladder and lodge in any of the ducts that carry bile from the liver to the small intestine. The ducts include the
•hepatic ducts, which carry bile out of the liver
•cystic duct, which takes bile to and from the gallbladder
•common bile duct, which takes bile from the cystic and hepatic ducts to the small intestine
Bile trapped in these ducts can cause inflammation in the gallbladder, the ducts, or in rare cases, the liver. Other ducts open into the common bile duct, including the pancreatic duct, which carries digestive enzymes out of the pancreas. Sometimes gallstones passing through the common bile duct provoke inflammation in the pancreas—called gallstone pancreatitis—an extremely painful and potentially dangerous condition.
If any of the bile ducts remain blocked for a significant period of time, severe damage or infection can occur in the gallbladder, liver, or pancreas. Left untreated, the condition can be fatal. Warning signs of a serious problem are fever, jaundice, and persistent pain.
What causes gallstones?
Scientists believe cholesterol stones form when bile contains too much cholesterol, too much bilirubin, or not enough bile salts, or when the gallbladder does not empty completely or often enough. The reason these imbalances occur is not known.
The cause of pigment stones is not fully understood. The stones tend to develop in people who have liver cirrhosis, biliary tract infections, or hereditary blood disorders—such as sickle cell anemia—in which the liver makes too much bilirubin.
The mere presence of gallstones may cause more gallstones to develop. Other factors that contribute to the formation of gallstones, particularly cholesterol stones, include
•Sex. Women are twice as likely as men to develop gallstones. Excess estrogen from pregnancy, hormone replacement therapy, and birth control pills appears to increase cholesterol levels in bile and decrease gallbladder movement, which can lead to gallstones.
•Family history. Gallstones often run in families, pointing to a possible genetic link.
•Weight. A large clinical study showed that being even moderately overweight increases the risk for developing gallstones. The most likely reason is that the amount of bile salts in bile is reduced, resulting in more cholesterol. Increased cholesterol reduces gallbladder emptying. Obesity is a major risk factor for gallstones, especially in women.
•Diet. Diets high in fat and cholesterol and low in fiber increase the risk of gallstones due to increased cholesterol in the bile and reduced gallbladder emptying.
•Rapid weight loss. As the body metabolizes fat during prolonged fasting and rapid weight loss—such as “crash diets”—the liver secretes extra cholesterol into bile, which can cause gallstones. In addition, the gallbladder does not empty properly.
•Age. People older than age 60 are more likely to develop gallstones than younger people. As people age, the body tends to secrete more cholesterol into bile.
•Ethnicity. American Indians have a genetic predisposition to secrete high levels of cholesterol in bile. In fact, they have the highest rate of gallstones in the United States. The majority of American Indian men have gallstones by age 60. Among the Pima Indians of Arizona, 70 percent of women have gallstones by age 30. Mexican American men and women of all ages also have high rates of gallstones.
•Cholesterol-lowering drugs. Drugs that lower cholesterol levels in the blood actually increase the amount of cholesterol secreted into bile. In turn, the risk of gallstones increases.
•Diabetes. People with diabetes generally have high levels of fatty acids called triglycerides. These fatty acids may increase the risk of gallstones.
Who is at risk for gallstones?
People at risk for gallstones include
•women—especially women who are pregnant, use hormone replacement therapy, or take birth control pills
•people over age 60
•American Indians
•Mexican Americans
•overweight or obese men and women
•people who fast or lose a lot of weight quickly
•people with a family history of gallstones
•people with diabetes
•people who take cholesterol-lowering drugs
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Oops I did it again!
So I decided we would go out to eat tonight, after all it is Valentine's day. And yes, we all need to learn not to associate food with events, but alas I succumbed and indulged in non plan food. Which is not allowed. So don't tell on me.
Nonetheless I stayed on plan. Using the clues of Phase II of the plan, which allows the consumption of fruits and vegetables, I ordered a baked potato, with nothiing on it. And a salad, no dressing. I brought my own calorie free dressing. /
Walden Farms makes ZERO calorie items and they are quite tasty. http://www.waldenfarms.com
I then brought my Turkey and Beans Chili HMR meal and poured it on top of my potato. While waiting for our meals to arrive, I asked for a plate of carrot sticks and celery sticks. We used the dressing we brought and munched. It was quite ingenious, I must say. And enjoyable. WHile I did break the rules, I am proud that I did not jump off the wagon. But I hung on tight like Indiana Jones did on that Army Truck in Raiders of the Lost Ark!
Nonetheless I stayed on plan. Using the clues of Phase II of the plan, which allows the consumption of fruits and vegetables, I ordered a baked potato, with nothiing on it. And a salad, no dressing. I brought my own calorie free dressing. /
Walden Farms makes ZERO calorie items and they are quite tasty. http://www.waldenfarms.com
I then brought my Turkey and Beans Chili HMR meal and poured it on top of my potato. While waiting for our meals to arrive, I asked for a plate of carrot sticks and celery sticks. We used the dressing we brought and munched. It was quite ingenious, I must say. And enjoyable. WHile I did break the rules, I am proud that I did not jump off the wagon. But I hung on tight like Indiana Jones did on that Army Truck in Raiders of the Lost Ark!
I am proud of myself.
Oh, and by the way, I was VERY full VERY quickly. I could not finish the potato nor the salad. So my tummy is shrinking, from the inside anyway.
Which brings me to another observation. Because I eat every 2 hours, I have found that I am not as hungry anymore. In fact I had to force myself to eat breakfast...2 hours after I woke up. Usually I have to eat within minutes of waking up. This is a very interesting development, but I surmise that it is because my metabolism is up. Which is fine by me.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Food Is Fuel, Not Our Friend
Remember Finding Nemo? The sharks' support group would say, "Fish are friends, not food!" I was reminded of this at my last weight loss class. A few of the participants had complaints about the taste and variety of the prepared meals. Despite the fact that these folks could add fruits and vegetables whereas I cannot, they still found something to complain about. Granted, this is not pre-packaged Maestro's or Morton's or mama's home cooking. It is prepackaged food for a weight loss program.
So I thought about this for a while afterwards, of course. And of course, I have some thoughts.
We are there in that meeting, in that program because of our love of food. We love the way it tastes, the memories it brings back, the memories it makes. Our whole life has revolved around food. Birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, etc. has been centered around food. The joy of cooking it ourselves, preparing it, seasoning it. So we have developed an addiction. We are here because we need to break off the love affair and use food as fuel to live and nothing else. We must approach it as fuel for our next activity and nothing else.
Food provides calories for our bodies to burn in its activities. It is intended to keep us alive. For some they can enjoy large amounts of it and not have a problem with weight gain. Although, I must say that cases of thin, in shape people suffering from high cholesterol is on the rise. So that may not be wholly true.
We are not as fortunate. We love food and food loves us. Therefore we must reprogram our brains..our bodies, our spirits. This will be hard. But for the next 12 weeks we eat to lose weight, we eat to take the next step, the next step towards a longer life.
We have been alive to food for too long. We must bury that person and resurrect as one who is alive to a whole new life...a life not revolved around food. A life revolved around others and not food.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Frustrating news...
This really stinks! I am having my Gall Bladder removed on Wednesday as well as multiple stones. I found out today that the surgeon recomends no exercise for 2 months!!!! 2 WHOLE MONTHS!!!
I have a call into my other Doctor to see if this is accurate. The problem is that if I am to make my goal, I need to burn 2-3000 calorie a week. If I cannot get up an move on even a bike, this will not happen. I cannot believe this. This is very discouraging...
I have a call into my other Doctor to see if this is accurate. The problem is that if I am to make my goal, I need to burn 2-3000 calorie a week. If I cannot get up an move on even a bike, this will not happen. I cannot believe this. This is very discouraging...
Official Weigh In-Week One
Well alright! 5.8 lbs after week one. Not shabby. Since I first saw the doc, in January I have lost 17 lbs.
During week one, I burned over 5,000 calories. They found in a study that those who burn a minimum of 2,000 calories a week can lose 2.8 lbs per week of the program. I plan on passing that. Although next week maybe a bit hard since I go in for surgery on Wednesday. I don' t know how long I have to sit out of the Gym. That concerns me. But, I will compensate by keeping a close eye on calories. Though that will be easy as my meals are planned out for me. I will just forgo the extra shakes and protein bars.
To hit my goal in 3 months, I need to drop an average of 6 lbs per week. Though I expect that some weeks will be less. But others may be huge hits!
So one week down, 12 to go.
Thanks for your support.
During week one, I burned over 5,000 calories. They found in a study that those who burn a minimum of 2,000 calories a week can lose 2.8 lbs per week of the program. I plan on passing that. Although next week maybe a bit hard since I go in for surgery on Wednesday. I don' t know how long I have to sit out of the Gym. That concerns me. But, I will compensate by keeping a close eye on calories. Though that will be easy as my meals are planned out for me. I will just forgo the extra shakes and protein bars.
To hit my goal in 3 months, I need to drop an average of 6 lbs per week. Though I expect that some weeks will be less. But others may be huge hits!
So one week down, 12 to go.
Thanks for your support.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
I Cheated...
.....yep I cheated. I am so terrible.
So how did I cheat? I weighed myself prior to Official Weigh in tomorrow. The verdict?
Down 6lbs since last Wednesday.
So how did I cheat? I weighed myself prior to Official Weigh in tomorrow. The verdict?
Down 6lbs since last Wednesday.
Friday, February 5, 2010
My Lumps! My Lumps! My Lovely Manly Lumps!
Jogging on the medeival tool of torture known as a tread mill (seriously, I jog for 20 minutes and I am still in the same spot as I started?) I could not help, unfortunately, but to feel the bouncey bouncey of my....extra poundage. My belly...no stomach, it is too big to be called a belly, my chest(I don't have man-boobs...), my chin(s) and cheeks (both).
You get the idea.
My body was bouncing with every pound pounce on the tread. Heart beat up, sweat rolling down and I thought to myself "How am I keeping going? This is not very comfortable!"
How do I keep the feet going? I imagine with each bounce that an smidge of fat is getting "bounced" from the party otherwise known as my body. (Oh and it's a party, but I digress.)
And that is the key to any athletic momentum. The mind must travel from it's current situation and envision something else. The mind will play with you. One side of the brain yells-YELLS, "STOP! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?" This is the side of the brain that I have always given in to and that I think most people do. It is typically the loudest, it is the part that wants to preserve your body and save it from pain and displeasure.
The challenge is giving a louder voice to the side of your brain, the creative side. This is the side that is able to transport itself to another place. Not exactly transcendental meditation but see it as a way to take your mind off of the task at hand as far as it's discomforts. Remember that we have the ability to control the thoughts of our mind and heart.
Victor Frankl wrote "Fundamentally, therefore, any man can, even under such circumstances, decide what shall become of him – mentally and spiritually."
So I picture what it will be like to run an extra 30 seconds without pain, with strength. And I do it. Then I think about with it will look like to run longer with few if any walk breaks. Or I think about what it will be like to see the looks on people's faces when I am at my goal weight. How I may inspire them to make a change for the better in their life.
I ask myself a series of questions:
What if this didn't hurt? What would you do?
Can you believe you are doing this?
Feels good doesn't it?
What feels better? Eating or this? No really.
Can you feel him inside there? Fighting to get out? Let him out! Let the thin man out, the strong one! He has been a prisoner for too long!
Some questions are not as serious:
Is she checking you out?
Is he checking you out? Eeewww, get back to running you idiot.
Are my shorts falling?
Was that me that just let out some gas? Nah, it was the guy next to me. Yeah, that's it.
Can everyone see this stomach bouncing?
Seriously, is she checking you out? Oh never mind, she is like 80.
Point is, I do whatever it takes to envision success. To find joy in the discomfort. A wise friend once told me that our bodies were made for running. I am doing to my body what it wants to do.
As for the pain, I invite it. I ask it get bigger and bigger so that I can see it. I run in to it, not away from it. I put my head down and run through it. For on the otherside is VICTORY! On the otherside of the wall is the man that cries to be free! It is my mission to seek him. To set him free.
Strength and Honor. What we do in life, echoes in eternity.
You get the idea.
My body was bouncing with every pound pounce on the tread. Heart beat up, sweat rolling down and I thought to myself "How am I keeping going? This is not very comfortable!"
How do I keep the feet going? I imagine with each bounce that an smidge of fat is getting "bounced" from the party otherwise known as my body. (Oh and it's a party, but I digress.)
And that is the key to any athletic momentum. The mind must travel from it's current situation and envision something else. The mind will play with you. One side of the brain yells-YELLS, "STOP! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?" This is the side of the brain that I have always given in to and that I think most people do. It is typically the loudest, it is the part that wants to preserve your body and save it from pain and displeasure.
The challenge is giving a louder voice to the side of your brain, the creative side. This is the side that is able to transport itself to another place. Not exactly transcendental meditation but see it as a way to take your mind off of the task at hand as far as it's discomforts. Remember that we have the ability to control the thoughts of our mind and heart.
Victor Frankl wrote "Fundamentally, therefore, any man can, even under such circumstances, decide what shall become of him – mentally and spiritually."
So I picture what it will be like to run an extra 30 seconds without pain, with strength. And I do it. Then I think about with it will look like to run longer with few if any walk breaks. Or I think about what it will be like to see the looks on people's faces when I am at my goal weight. How I may inspire them to make a change for the better in their life.
I ask myself a series of questions:
What if this didn't hurt? What would you do?
Can you believe you are doing this?
Feels good doesn't it?
What feels better? Eating or this? No really.
Can you feel him inside there? Fighting to get out? Let him out! Let the thin man out, the strong one! He has been a prisoner for too long!
Some questions are not as serious:
Is she checking you out?
Is he checking you out? Eeewww, get back to running you idiot.
Are my shorts falling?
Was that me that just let out some gas? Nah, it was the guy next to me. Yeah, that's it.
Can everyone see this stomach bouncing?
Seriously, is she checking you out? Oh never mind, she is like 80.
Point is, I do whatever it takes to envision success. To find joy in the discomfort. A wise friend once told me that our bodies were made for running. I am doing to my body what it wants to do.
As for the pain, I invite it. I ask it get bigger and bigger so that I can see it. I run in to it, not away from it. I put my head down and run through it. For on the otherside is VICTORY! On the otherside of the wall is the man that cries to be free! It is my mission to seek him. To set him free.
Strength and Honor. What we do in life, echoes in eternity.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Going to the Gym is Catholic Experience For Me...
When I walk into the Gym and see the Instructors, I feel compelled to confess. Seriously it is like going to a confessional for me.
Bless me Gym Rat for am Fat.
It has been 2 weeks since my last workout.
I lusted for the Super China Buffet 3 times.
I lied about how many times I went to McDonald's to my wife.
I super sized each time.
I idolized a beautiful Porter House at the Stater Bros. Meat counter.
I ate two twinkies out of the box while walking to the checkout stand. (But I was walking at the same time!)
I only drank 32 oz's of water a day...and had 32 oz's of coffee...
I did not "Go Skinny" on my Caramel Macchiato
I added too much dressing to my salad...and I added fritos as croutons.
For my cheese serving I at a snack pack of Cheezits...okay okay...I ate the whole box.
I used Peanut M&M's as my "Protein" snack
When I was supposed to do 15 reps on the chest press I only did 13...okay okay...12.
I picked the parkins spot closest to the gym so I did not have to walk as far.
Father Gym Rat...that is all my sin.
"Go on my fat one...and do 200 Sit ups and Crunches...you shall be forgiven"
Bless me Gym Rat for am Fat.
It has been 2 weeks since my last workout.
I lusted for the Super China Buffet 3 times.
I lied about how many times I went to McDonald's to my wife.
I super sized each time.
I idolized a beautiful Porter House at the Stater Bros. Meat counter.
I ate two twinkies out of the box while walking to the checkout stand. (But I was walking at the same time!)
I only drank 32 oz's of water a day...and had 32 oz's of coffee...
I did not "Go Skinny" on my Caramel Macchiato
I added too much dressing to my salad...and I added fritos as croutons.
For my cheese serving I at a snack pack of Cheezits...okay okay...I ate the whole box.
I used Peanut M&M's as my "Protein" snack
When I was supposed to do 15 reps on the chest press I only did 13...okay okay...12.
I picked the parkins spot closest to the gym so I did not have to walk as far.
Father Gym Rat...that is all my sin.
"Go on my fat one...and do 200 Sit ups and Crunches...you shall be forgiven"
DAY ONE...I am moving my office to the bathroom....
It seems like it took forever for this day to come. Well in a way it did...it took 34 years!
The Doc has me off the Byetta until my Gall Bladder removal. So I don't have the full feeling that it gave me. And boy can I tell. I ate breakfast at 7am, a shake and a cereal packet. 2 hours on the nose, I was hungry. I had one of the program snack bars. 2 hours later, I was VERY hungry, but it was lunch time. Beef and Bean Enchiladas...it was not El Torito but it was good. Had a shake 2 hours later and that was good. I mixed in coffee with the vanilla powder. It was like a 'nilla frapuccino. But it is 3 and I am very hungry and out of food. Hmmm....going to the gym too. It may be 4 hours before I can eat again. I don't think that is a good thing.
3:25 - I found a sample of the soup meal replacement in my brief case. Thank you God! I think I will survive now.
Holy cow does this plan make me pee! Easily I have made at least 15 trips if not 20. Man o man! Of course I am also on track to drink 94 fluid ounces of water. My dietician says that the body will eliminate excess water that it is holding because we are cutting the sodium. So the first weigh in could be HUGE...mostly water weight.
Since my initial weigh in with the Doctor in January, I have lost 11 pounds. At the end of 15 hours on this plan, I have lost nothing. I am giving up!!!
Nah, just kidding.
The Doc has me off the Byetta until my Gall Bladder removal. So I don't have the full feeling that it gave me. And boy can I tell. I ate breakfast at 7am, a shake and a cereal packet. 2 hours on the nose, I was hungry. I had one of the program snack bars. 2 hours later, I was VERY hungry, but it was lunch time. Beef and Bean Enchiladas...it was not El Torito but it was good. Had a shake 2 hours later and that was good. I mixed in coffee with the vanilla powder. It was like a 'nilla frapuccino. But it is 3 and I am very hungry and out of food. Hmmm....going to the gym too. It may be 4 hours before I can eat again. I don't think that is a good thing.
3:25 - I found a sample of the soup meal replacement in my brief case. Thank you God! I think I will survive now.
Holy cow does this plan make me pee! Easily I have made at least 15 trips if not 20. Man o man! Of course I am also on track to drink 94 fluid ounces of water. My dietician says that the body will eliminate excess water that it is holding because we are cutting the sodium. So the first weigh in could be HUGE...mostly water weight.
Since my initial weigh in with the Doctor in January, I have lost 11 pounds. At the end of 15 hours on this plan, I have lost nothing. I am giving up!!!
Nah, just kidding.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Oh Boy!!
I found out that I have MULTIPLE gall stones. MULTIPLE! So I will soon be going under the knife and have my gall Bladder removed. I pray that they find the part of me that craves food and cut that out too!
Apparently Gall Bladders are not that necessary. Interesting, I had no idea. I guess it will be a Laproscopic surgery as it was for Julie. But still, it wigs me out a bit.
Truly, being Fat is one medical complication after another. It really is a problem in this society...in this age. Not that I want laws and "fat" taxes, I still believe in freedom and personal choice. It really is too sad that healthy foods cost SO much more than mass produced, processed foods.
Well enough of that. I am off to sit on the couch and play Wii. The wife and I are going out for a late night date to have one last meal "send off"
Apparently Gall Bladders are not that necessary. Interesting, I had no idea. I guess it will be a Laproscopic surgery as it was for Julie. But still, it wigs me out a bit.
Truly, being Fat is one medical complication after another. It really is a problem in this society...in this age. Not that I want laws and "fat" taxes, I still believe in freedom and personal choice. It really is too sad that healthy foods cost SO much more than mass produced, processed foods.
Well enough of that. I am off to sit on the couch and play Wii. The wife and I are going out for a late night date to have one last meal "send off"
Bleh....
So tonight is the big night. I pick up my food and start the program. It's very exciting.
But today, I had a TK Burger. TK's is a place in Costa Mesa that is incredible for their burgers. Took one down along with the standard accoutrement. (Fries and a Root Beer)
I left feeling totally gross. It tasted good, don't get me wrong. But I felt gross. Now I am at my desk with a brick in my stomach. No good...no good I tell you. But how many times have I done this to myself? Too many times to count. Too Too Too Too many.
I pray that I remember this icky feeling.
But today, I had a TK Burger. TK's is a place in Costa Mesa that is incredible for their burgers. Took one down along with the standard accoutrement. (Fries and a Root Beer)
I left feeling totally gross. It tasted good, don't get me wrong. But I felt gross. Now I am at my desk with a brick in my stomach. No good...no good I tell you. But how many times have I done this to myself? Too many times to count. Too Too Too Too many.
I pray that I remember this icky feeling.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Today
Nothing to report today. 24 hours left until the weigh in and program start. I had a yummy dinner from Blue Agave Yorba Linda. And I am tired. I will have more to say tomorrow.
Monday, February 1, 2010
The Battle Plan
Okay. So here is the plan.
The goal is to beat the diabetes and get off the meds. So my Endocrinologist who is one the premiere specialists in the country is helping me do this with a 3 pronged attack.
1. 1000 mg of Metformin, Twice Daily
2. Two shots a day of Byetta. Whose biggest side effect is Weight Loss.
3. HMR Medically managed weight loss program. 3 shakes and 2 packaged entres.
So with this, I should be on a strong trajectory to lose 80 lbs, and be off the medicines! This will be good.
This will be hard.
The goal is to beat the diabetes and get off the meds. So my Endocrinologist who is one the premiere specialists in the country is helping me do this with a 3 pronged attack.
1. 1000 mg of Metformin, Twice Daily
2. Two shots a day of Byetta. Whose biggest side effect is Weight Loss.
3. HMR Medically managed weight loss program. 3 shakes and 2 packaged entres.
So with this, I should be on a strong trajectory to lose 80 lbs, and be off the medicines! This will be good.
This will be hard.
It Has Been Clinically Proven
Got a call from the Dr. today. It turns out that I have fat deposits in my liver. Not an entirely serious condition, in fact very common for overweight folks.
I responded "Oh well, I guess it's true then!"
"What's that?" she asked.
"I am fat. The jury was out on the matter but now that it is clinically proven...there is just no denying it."
She laughed and said "That's one way of looking at it."
She also shared that I have SEVERAL gall stones and that I had to see my General Practitioner for a referral for surgery. Well, he called today and wants me to go under the knire ASAP.
SOOOO....I will be having my first surgery ever. This will be fun! I hope they keep the stones, I want to see them! Is that bad?
I responded "Oh well, I guess it's true then!"
"What's that?" she asked.
"I am fat. The jury was out on the matter but now that it is clinically proven...there is just no denying it."
She laughed and said "That's one way of looking at it."
She also shared that I have SEVERAL gall stones and that I had to see my General Practitioner for a referral for surgery. Well, he called today and wants me to go under the knire ASAP.
SOOOO....I will be having my first surgery ever. This will be fun! I hope they keep the stones, I want to see them! Is that bad?
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