Wounded

Sitting in the Pre-Op room yesterday, getting ready for my surgery, I noticed one thing. I was the youngest patient in the area. Which caused me to think about why I was there. Then the Anesthesiologist said one thing about Diabetes that hit me.

"It ages you"

"It ages you." Wow. He is so right. For one, it shortens my life. Two: the ailments I suffer are more commonly suffered by those much older than me. Unfortunately, though, the age for those suffering from diabetes or are pre diabetic is getting younger and younger. (Insert public service announcement here)

I am ashamed of what I let myself get to. I am ashamed of the condition of my body. A condition caused solely by me. Not by McDonald's or any other food source. It is my responsibility to take care of "the temple" and I did not. "All things in moderation" so the adage goes.  But my soul does not deal well with moderation...obviously. I am ashamed.

To those of you reading this I tell you this: Don't let yourself go.

Last night, I slept through the hour in which I was supposed to take my pain medicine. I woke up to take it at 3am but it would be too late. I began to feel the incisions, the missing organ, the air pushing against my shoulders. And it was a pain like I had never suffered before. And, mind you, I have been stepped on and trampled on by a 2 thousand pound bull, walkig away with only a hole in my leg and several bruises. I would gladly take that pain again. This pain was awful awful awful.

Don't let yourself go. Don't eat all that fat and raise your cholesterol and irritate your gall bladder's function. All those wonderful feelings of downing that beautiful steak, or ribs, burgers, fries, fried chicken, Turkey Skin (I love the crispy skin on the thanksgiving bird), chips, etc. All the satisfaction that comes with your overindulgence will fade and quickly. What will not fade is what it does to your body. What will not fade is the damage to your organs, your skin, your mind.

I am glad I suffered such horrendous pain. I will not forget it. I will remember it the next time I long for a cheeseburger. The next time I reach for a second Half Rack of ribs.  Heck a serving of ribs is only 4 or six, I think.

That brings another point to mind. I and so many others have not idea what a serving is of anything. We are so uneducated when it comes to eating and eating well. But we know about living and living well which translates to over indulgence.

I am ashamed. I am ashamed that two years ago I ran off my weight and inspired so many in my circle and so many that read the article of my success. I gained it all back and lost a bit of my pride...a lot really. It is hard to have any pride when you are wearing a hospital gown and your rear is out for all the world to see.

I am ashamed that I have to suffer such intense pain and wear the scars now. Wounds....wounds that serve as a reminder of my reckless folly. I pray it keeps me motivated to treat my body better. It is mine to steward and I have not.

Life is meant to be enjoyed. God has given us the senses to enjoy all that he has created and all that man, with His creativity, has created. And He has given us free will. Will to choose what we do with His gifts and creations. To quote a line for Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade, the scene when the villain drinks from what he thought was the Holy Grail then dies.

"He chose poorly"

I have chosen poorly. Time and again. I have a family now that needs me to be around in all my health, not in all my fatty glory. So, I believe, God has brought me to this and has allowed the wounding to create a new man. And I am thankful for the scars for they will serve as a reminder.