Impressive Trash

So I was sitting in my truck the other day frustrated at how messy it was. Granted much of the disaster was due to weekend beach trips with the family. Kids = Messy Vehicle Interiors (or entire households for that matter)

I sat in the cab and took a look around before starting the process of cleaning it out. Taking away toys, flip flop (yes just one, lord only knows where the other is), Crocs, sweaters, and socks, I was quite impressed with what remained. Yes, I was impressed with the trash that was in my truck.

How can one be impressed with trash? Well any number of ways really, but no need to dive into the nuances and forays of the scavenger lifestyle or with how Doc Brown can use trash to fuel a time machine. I digress.

What impressed me was the containers that I was throwing out and how they compare to what I used to collect along the miles of driving I do. I used to collect wrappers and sacks from McDonald's, BK, Carl's Jr., or any other fast fat food joint that tickled my fancy. I used to collect empty soda cups and cans (no beer, I t'aint that stoopid) MikyWay and Almond Joy Wrappers. The side pockets of my doors would often house the once savory filled pouches of Doritos, Cheetos, and even the nectar/snack of the gods: Salt And Vinegar Kettle Chips. Oh and I can't forget the occasional indulgence of Twinkies...yes Twinkies. Come, on, you know you like 'em. Admit it, that even though they have a shelf life that only cockroaches can admire, they are quite tasty. Try them chocolate dipped at Rocky Mt. Chocolate Factory. WOW! Again I digress, THIS is how I get with food.

So instead of digging out that grease soaked/stained emptied bag of french fries from under the seat I find myself digging the wrapper of a protein bar. I had an empty container of Almonds and another of Grapes. I found a few empty water bottles too and the "once in a while" can of Carb Free Monster Energy Drink (please no lecture on the health dangers of energy drinks). I even had an empty can of Pepsi One! Imagine, diet soda ingested by yours truly. My my...indeed.

Now I don't want to give the impression that my truck's cab serves as an alternate filming location for Oscar The Grouch vignettes on Sesame Street. It truly is rarely a mess. But on this one occasion after a crazy week, this is what I found.

Impressive trash. This is what goes on in my mind. Others think of cures for disease, I contemplate the intricacies of my gastro-consumption.

This Is A Wonderfully Inspiring Scene

Ramble On

So I have not updated my blog in quite some time. I have not been too inspired and don't know exactly why that is. But I will ramble on a bit tonight and see what comes out so bear with me.

I ended phase I of the HMR plan and lost 30 lbs ending at 216 lbs for the program. I started the year at 260 and currently weigh in at 212. And that is where the rub comes in. I have been stuck and idle in my weight loss for the last 90 days. Got to 209 at one point. My hope was to be at 170 by this time and so I am disappointed.

Disappointed....funny because I have had a successful bout the last six months. To have dropped nearly 50 lbs in 6 months is no laughing matter much less a disappointing one. I have not let off on the exercise either. I led and taught a couch to 5k class and ran a 5k on the 4th of July. The one Y member that stayed with the class had never run a 5k and we did it in 35 minutes, no breaks. It was an awesome feat!

And yet I am disappointed that I have not lost more weight. With all the exercise I am doing and all the physical accomplishments I am reaching. I am riding faster and longer distances at elevated speeds. Hills are less of an issue for me. I am lifting more and dancing (ZUMBA) better. Admittedly I am not eating as well as I was. Incorporating outside food and weaning off the prescribed food is difficult as far as discipline goes. But good news is that I am craving fruits and veggies like never before and, up until last Friday, have not had a hamburger since the start of the year. And it was a glorious burger from the Crow Bar in Corona Del Mar...but I digress.

Exciting news! I taught my first spin class this past Monday and I stacked the class with friends so it was totally full whereas it is usually only 3-4 members. Having taken up cycling and improving in my abilities on the bike, I have come to enjoy spinning as well. So much so that I am going to be seeking certification as a Spinning Instructor. I mentioned this to our program director at the Y and then was asked to sub for a teacher on vacation. That's the catch in volunteering with a non profit, as soon as you say what you are interested in, BOOM! There you are. But I had been researching how to plan a class and what to do for quite some time. I thought I would be a bit different than the other instructors in that I would incorporate more Classical music and less hip hop. I would also invite the class to be somewhat introspective on their journey in that hour.

I have found myself to get quite introspective in the midst of a  ride or run, forgetting all but the task at hand. By the end I find myself much more relaxed and exuberant by the accomplishment of the hour. This is called endorphin release. I call it a happy high.

So as I was leading Spinning I noticed something very very foreign to me. Everything I did, the class did. If I dropped my right arm, they did also. I stood, they stood...they even did what I told them to. THAT is weird to experience. Then I realized, the members here and the members in my running class are there to be guided to a healthier version of themselves and are trusting me to get them there for at least that hour. In that hour I am part of a grander plan that they are implementing in their lives. This is quite humbling...and inspiring.

At the same time, I am there to draw from them because I am in need of the workout. I mean, come on! A fat spin instructor? Really? And draw I did. I left so energized, so jazzed at the fruition of what I had been planning and dreaming about. I did it! I actually tried something almost entirely foreign to me, with no formal training and did a good job. If I may be so bold as to say so. I mean I led a work out that I would have been happy to participate in.

It hit me today as I was looking foolish in Zumba class that I am a fitness instructor. I am a fitness instructor. I.......AM............A...........FITNESS...........INSTRUCTOR. That is weird. I never would have guessed a year ago that I would be here now. What a difference a year can make. Holy cow.

I have always said that there is NOTHING I can't do. I may not be the best but I will try it. I have trained horses, ridden bulls, attempted a 100 mile bike ride, ran a half marathon, ran a 5k, lost weight. I can do anything I want and I will.

Life is an adventure, a big one at that. There is so much to try and do. I believe that many won't try something unless they can be the best at it or at least on par with how the pros may do it. In living that way, those people will miss out on so much. I am not satisfied in sitting in the stands and watching the game be played. I want to participate in life and try all I can. Right now it is all about the physical. I want to participate in a triathlon, I want to ride 100 miles, I want to teach others to do the same and join me for the ride.



I have met so many people and created relationships in the journey of this last 6 months that I will remember always and cherish always. Relationships that have inspired me and moved me. Some have moved me to tears. The interaction with them has taught me so much about myself and led me to discover so much wisdom that I would not otherwise had learned. I am proud.

It's okay to be proud, just not prideful. But then I suppose there is an element of pride-fullness bordering on boasting in writing this blog. Or any blog for that matter. Okay fine. But believe this blog is more for me than for you. It is a good outlet to write out what comes into my heart, into my soul. I guess I could just journal it and keep it to myself. But I have a drive in me to inspire others to push themselves. I don't know why, I just do.

I am going to work on a Hall of Fame post. I think I will gather the pictures of all the people in my life currently and in the past that have inspired me to more and honor them. That will take some effort.

So there you have my ramblings. I hope it was not a waste of your time. Thanks for reading!

Hovering

So a few weeks ago I finally broke my previous lowest weight of 215. Then I came back to it. Then I lost it and got to 212. Then, as of this week am back to 215.

You can see the chart here:

I am frustrated. Psychologically I need to get beyond 215 and not by a few pounds but by a large enough margin that a slight gain won't get me back to it. It is a wall, it was the wall last time I trekked on weight loss. It seems insurmountable and very discouraging. Even though, looking at the graph it is easy to see the victory already accomplished. Now it is a mental game, I know that somehow I am sabotaging myself. Or my body is and I am not aware of it.

Discipline, I hope this will help me beat this wall. I stand at this wall, in it's shadow and as Ivan Drago in Rocky IV I say "I must break you." Or is it the wall telling me "I must break you?" Hmm...that is worthy of some reflection. After all I far more identify with the Rocky character.(Let alone desire the same physique, but that is not realistic) It is not going to be easy. It will take perhaps more effort than before. I say this because I recently completed Phase I of my program and am now on to Phase II in which I can eat more fruits and vegetables, not just program regimen. Perhaps that is the factor. I am eating more though it is more of the right stuff. Except, perhaps, for the Tri Tip I had on Mother's day. Ahh, but this is not confession time. Not yet, guilt has not overcome me yet. Perhaps later...later later.

So I reach deep with in and find the warrior needed to fight my natural tendencies to be lazy and over eat and snack. I must remind myself of how I got this far and why I did. I must fight.

It is a lonely trek however and I think that has gotten to me.Sure I blog about it and am transparent about the journey. Admitedly in an effort to not only inspire and to vent but to feel like others are walking with me. Yet the loneliness is there. No one can walk my walk. No one has the inner demons that I have, the same attraction to food that I have. Nor the reasons that I have. No one feels the pain with every pounce on the pavement that I feel or the thoughts that I have to keep picking up my feet to move. It is a lonely path.

I am the only one in the ring with the wall. At times the loneliness is empowering in that I impress myself with I can drive myself to do and what I can accomplish. That alone is empowering, to witness my own resolve and see its fruit. Setting out to ride 30 miles on the bike with no one else...nothing more than my Ipod and my own thoughts.

But then I am overcome. This is not easy, have I said that already? I wish someone else could carry this load for me sometimes. But no one can. I did this to myself. I am the one that aged my body and damaged it. It is my mess to clean up. And what a mess it is.

Crabs In A Bucket...

I read a story once and it went like this:

One day I was walking along the Washington Beach, the black beach in Washington, North Carolina with my father. I was about eight years old. I noticed a man with a bucket of crabs. The crab bucket did not have a top on it. I asked my father why the crabs were not able to escape. My father’s explanation taught me a valuable lesson.

My father said, “If there was only one crab in the bucket it would certainly escape. However, when there is more than one crab in the bucket, if one tries to crawl out, the other crabs would grab hold and pull it back down so that it would share the same fate as the rest of them.”

One thing I have heard a lot of in my weight loss class is others' experience with lack of support from certain friends. This story came to mind and I shared it. We all could relate. It is amazing to me how some folks are apathetic or worse when it comes to another's success. Even more so in the arena of weight loss and exercise.

Success is hinged on encouragement. Encouragement is hinged on selflessness. Sure another's success in an area that is a struggle for you is only a mirror whose reflection you do not like.

I encouraged my fellow participants to gravitate to those that are encouraging them and try to encourage those who are not. They probably don't want to hear it, but remember encouragment is hinged on selflessness. That's my wisdom, I did not get it from anywhere else but my own experience.

It is also important to "set to the plow" and not look behind, or your path will not be true. I am going somewhere, I hope to not go alone, but will if necessary.

Milestone Accomplished....Mission Still Pending

I weighed in today at 213.6 lbs. The lowest I have weighed in nearly 10 years. That is a total of 41.4 lbs since January 1.

After my meeting, which is the 2nd to last meeting of Phase I, my measurements were taken at the gym. Here is the update:

Prior:                           Today:
Chest: 46.5....44 1/2 Waist: 48.5....43 1/2 Thigh: 21.5...22 (this is cool, BTW) Calf:16.... 15 1/4 Arm: 12.75.....13 (this is cool, BTW) Body Fat: 34.6....31.1%
BMI: 32.9.........32.4%


Considering that I gained 1.2 lbs over the course of 2 weeks then lost 3.8 and improved the measurements, I am very happy.

NEW STATS ARE IN!

So here are the latest stats on my body reconfiguration.

Waist: 43.5 --  Down 2 inches exactly
Thigh: 21   --  Down 2 inches exactly
Calf:   15.25 -- Down 1/2 inch
Arm: 13    -- No change, but this number should be going up slightly as a transform my arm fat to muscle.

And the most exciting part...........
Body Fat %: 30.7 down from 33.3!!
BMI:  32.9 down from 34.4!! Almost out of the 30's. Any BMI over 30 is considered obese. It will be nice to not be obese, by this chart anyway.

Even when the scale is not my friend, I rely on these numbers to keep me positive.

Fear...what is it good for?

Thoughts from the Saddle...

I rode in Irvine yesterday again, on the same track as the pros. My buddy Ben who has been there the last few weeks was not there. I kinda grew accustomed to him being there, he is always encouraging, even when lapping me. All the others just ride by, focused on their performance. He always has something to say. But he was not there. Also, last week, a new guy was there, he weighed about 400 lbs. It was nice to have him there because he was as slow as me. Not necessarily a good thing for me, but I'll take it. It was nice to have some company on the ride. Although, he did not make the best partner for me after all. He was a bit belligerent about his condition.

You may know the type, he had all the answers for being healthy and losing weight, and yet there he is at 400 lbs. Hey, good for him to get on the bike and tackle the hills. I guess his inspriation is different than mine. I found it a bit hard to relate. Anyway, he only lasted 7 miles, his legs cramped on him. Perhaps due to the fact he had no water and refused my reserve bottle. He said it would just get in the way and that when he was in football in High School he would go through Hell Week with little or no water. Hmm...

So this weekI was on my own. Feeling a bit lonely but then I had been feeling sad and fearful all week. They had been around for the past week but on this ride I let them have their voice. As it turns out, it was really fear that was striking me.

Cranking up the lonely hill, trying desperately to find hapiness in the chosen Black Eyed Peas songs I downloaded, I asked myself permission to let go of my heart and let it speak. So as the song faded into the Rocky Soundtrack Theme Song and my legs pumped up that hill I was overcome with fear.

Ask any man what he fears most and most will have the same answer. FAILURE. I was fearing failure.

I am reaching the last month of Phase I in my HMR plan after which I will move to Phase II which is less money, and less of the prepared foods. The weight loss is slower as I will be slowly moving back in to reality of eating. I could do Phase I again and probably should but the cost is high and I have yet to get insurance reimbursement. So I fear.

I fear that I won't hit my goal weight. I have not been under 216 pounds in nearly 9 years. Currently I am at 219. What if I stall here and don't get another 3? Then I move to Phase II and slow down on loss? What if I  don't hit 170? I will have failed. I will have failed....myself, my family, my body. Then what? I fear.

I fear that I will gain it all back, that I will go back to dependency on diabetic medication. Then how will I face all who have doubted? What will they say? What will they think? I fear.

I fear failure. Sure there is much to be said about how failure can also be inspiring...a new beginning, a new chance to start over. Yeah I get that, but failure stinks just the same. There is so much to answer and account for when I fail. Especially internally. The shame of my self is the worst. It never seems to go away,  it is a Video Player that plays a tape of my failures inside my head. And it pays no mind to the time. It plays all day and even louder at night. I fear that.

Failures have gifts that they bring, believe it or not. We just have to sit with them and give them time to speak. It is then that we learn from them.

Wise as that may be, I still fear failure and do not want to encounter it.

So what was feeding this fear? Ahhh....feeding, a choice word indeed. I took a few liberties over the weekend and indulged in foods that perhaps I should not have. Let's see...on Friday it was a Bean Burrito at Taco Bell and Fresco Crunchy Taco oh and the last bit of Cheesy Rollup that Ava did not eat. Perfect little munchkin! You always leave an "offering" to your daddy, don't you? Ten Percent Ava! That is all I ask!

Then it was an egg later that night, not a bad thing since there was no carbs. Then it was a piece of bread. Then a girl scout cookie. What a night!

Then came Sunday, a few tastes of Chips, peanut butter, another slice of bread to adjoin my Chicken Salad (made with Walden Farms Fat Free Mayo), then a taste of Chocolate Cherry Cheesecake...meh.

And I skipped my prescribed meal because after all, I was full! I justified it because I did my fastest 25 mile ride on Sunday afternoon, worked out on Saturday, sweat like crazy doing yard work, hey I was burning Cal's!!

See how easy it is to go back to the lover? See how I can slip? See how I can FAIL?

What have I done in the course of one weekend? Have I reversed all of my exercise, all of my effort? Perhaps, but the disappointment overcame me on Tuesday's ride. Perhaps it was not seeing my friend. Perhaps it was the unavoidable loneliness of riding on my own while watching the other riders ride in a pack. I am not as good as them. That was alright a few weeks ago but not today. Not now. Right now I wish I had the discipline and determination that they possess. I wish I had the physical ability and muscle twitch to ride with such explosion of effort and strength. Right now I wish I was thin and capable. Right now I wish I was a part of the club. Right now I wish someone else with my struggles was with me.

I feel better today. I guess I can expect to feel the sadness and fear time and again as life goes on, as this journey progresses.

Today was a good day. I sat in the Dr's office to discuss my latest blood tests. I cried and told him that it was a rough week, mentally and emotionally. I was not sure that I would succeed in beating the disease, that I would fail and stay fat and ugly.

I pulled out my test results. A1C is a test that shows the long term glucose levels in your blood. A normal, healthy A1C level is under 6. Mine, in January, was 7.7 which is very unhealthy and demonstrative of Type II Diabetes. Today, my A1C is 5.8 which is not diabetic. My bad cholesterol is low, within healthy range, good cholesterol is up.

"You beat it. Your A1C level is non Diabetic. This is Victory!" Dr Nikravan said. "Your weight is down to 219 from 245 at the program start. 26 pounds. This is very good."

Since January 1 I have lost 36 pounds. I am three away from 216, four from being below that wretched number.

I cried, quietly but proudly. For all the "cheats" along the way for all the moments I chose to sit and not move, for all the moments I did not push myself a little harder on that bike, for all my ex lover's desperate attempts to woo back...for all this I cried. Because I still won. I beat the Red Bastard (my nick name for Diabetes).

I beat it down. Now I have to keep striking until it cannot get up anymore. I have added years to my life, life to my years...life to my kids.

I have fought. I am fighting. Today I won... I won another day to fight again.

By God's Good Grace

Okay, so the other night I took the kids to Mickey D's for dinner. Just as a treat. Julie was out of town at Winter camp. So I was going to get them each their own Happy Meal. Now I was dreading it because I did not want to sit in there and I knew that if I did, my slow poke eaters (Landon and Ava) would not be able to defend their fries from me.

So the whole drive over, I am panicking about how I am going to avoid the temptation. With every turn of the wheels I can sense the craving for those delicious fries growing inside of me. Sweat beading down my face, hands getting clammy, heart beat racing.

"Should I even be taking them? This is not healthy for them either." I thought. "Blasted! The dang toys, Star Wars and iCarly. Dang geniuses!"

Well I already told them I would, and clogging their arteries is less important than breaking my word at this point. Besides, Landon and Emma just asked if they could get Apples instead of fries. Darn little darlings...

Ah HA! Solution, I have my gym bag, I can go throught the Drive-Thru and then go to the YMCA and they can eat at the KidZone. Perfect!

But, that smell, oh that smell that emanates from the inner bowels of the grease peddling beast, oh how I love it. And how will I avoid that? As soon as I roll down the window to order, it will fill my truck...what to do?

So we pull up and it was as if God sent his divine angels ahead of me and did a glorious thing. As soon as I roll down my window I take a deep breath with my nose, filling my chest with air and puffing out like Superman. A contented smile on my face as I indulge in the glorious --- wait, there is something dreadfully wrong here. What in the --- THAT is NOT the smell of Fries. THAT is the SMELL OF ROTTEN GARBAGE. Gag.

It just so turns out that just prior to our arrival the trash man came and the crew was cleaning out the dumpsters. So all craving shrank in me. Shriveled away like a fast food pickle in the hot burning sun.

So happily I ordered, and quickly as I wanted to get that window shut immediately. Funny enough, none of the kids caught the smell, just me. Hmm....

Just as well, I was so upset by the shock to my senses that even the happy meals in the Truck were not a temptation. Because you know I would normally HAVE to taste a few fries, just to make sure they are good. But not this time.

So off to the Y and off to sweat it off. Good times.

Victory!

So last week I was extremely frustrated at the loss of a mere 4/10 of a pound...NOT EVEN A HALF POUND!!!!!!!

This week I got payback. I had my biggest loss yet. 6 pounds lost. I now weigh 222 pounds. Starting on January 1st at 255, I have now lost 33 pounds. I still have 52 to go. If I continue on this path in another 5 weeks, I will be near 200 lbs. I have not been there in 10 years.

It feels good, I must say. I feel good. It feels awesome to wear my suits because, after all, I look darn good. And I have a pair of Wranglers that now fit.

All good stuff. Until I lose SO much weight that I will then have nothing to wear. Good problem to have, I just hope my bank account fattens up as I get skinny.

Thoughts from the Saddle: Not Every Man Lives...

So I set out to find more ways to get in cycle time. I really do enjoy cycling, thanks to a very generous friend at church. He not only gave me a bike that is absolutely amazing, but he also equipped me with short liners, cycling shorts, socks, and a helmet. The shorts are my favorite, they are bibs, actually. They have a bunch of holes on one of the legs because of a spill he took.

Fast forward to today. I find a cycling group that meets in Irvine, close to where I work and they ride a 2.7 mile loop for one hour, and get in about 20 miles. I thought to myself, "Self. Why don't you do that." They meet on Tuesdays at 5:30, I can do that.

So I pull into the lot where they meet. Well, these guys are pro cyclists. Fully sponsored team jerseys and shorts. Bikes worth more than I make in a year. Shoes that only Lance Armstrong would wear. I mean these guys are dressed to the 9's, true pros.

To add even more to the situation, they are fit...I mean FIT. And their legs were sites to behold. So as I am casing the situation, getting my bike out of the truck I notice a couple of guys in gray hair, easily mid 50's or older. Same uniforms as the other guys, but older. And they have a tandem.

"Perfect!" I thought. "I will just keep up with them and draft. This will be easy, a little challenging but riding in a group helps cut the effort."

So there I stand with my beautiful bike. Hole riddled shorts, $10 Aviator sunglasses from Olvera Street, a helmet whose strap is held together by electrical tape, cotton socks from Costco (you know the kind, with the thick Gray soles...I love those!), leg warmers that are a little stretched out, and over my cool jersey a red sweatshirt from Target. Because it was very cold and I don't have cycling cold weather shells. Oh, and we cannot forget the lumps. My lovely manly lumps. That, rest assured, not a single other rider had.

So no one talks to me at first. Then one guy, Ben says "Hi!"

"Cool," I thought. "Umm this is my first time." As if he could not tell.

"These guys are pretty serious," he responds, "I come to get a good work out, but, don't be surprised if you can't keep up."

"Oh, I won't be. I am just here to ride be among other cyclists. I am here for my health." I say ever so proudly. And nerdy.

I felt so out of place but wanting not to be.

Another guy rode the loop once with me during warm up. He was cool, his name was John and was a serious rider though not part of the racing team that made up the majority of the group.

So the ride begins to form at the start point, I am coming back from a warm up round but keep going. I figured they would catch up to me, no sense in starting with them only to drop off. It would be equally humiliating to get passed.

"When they catch me I will just hook in with the old guys on the tandem." Naively thought I.

I was at the crest of the hill, quite proud of myself for maintaining a 9.5 mph pace up the climb, when I heard a humm. I looked over my right shoulder, trying not veer off into the sidewalk , and about 300 yards back is the pack. I laugh to myself.

"This is going to be funny. Here I am plodding away and these guys are going to pass me at speeds 3 times what I am doing. But here comes the down hill and I still am hund--" WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOOSH WHOOSH...I have been passed.

But no worry, I am on the down hill I can keep up with them, oh and there goes the Old Tandem Riders. These guys look like Penn and Teller. No proble---WHOOSH WHOOOSH...they passed me too and I cannot catch up. I am now going 28 mph and cannot keep up.

So I went on to the bottom of the hill and watch them make the turn in great precision and speed. I do the same, only with a little less speed. I caught up to them at the stop light. And when the light turned green, before I could clip in to take off, I was alone again. Good times. I tried to catch up, getting up to 30 mph but could not catch them. They were easily hitting 40 mph. I came to find out later that they were taking the climbs at 25mph. The same climb that I was proud to hit 9.5 on.

I was WAAYY out of my league. But once in the middle and at the very end, Ben stopped at the crest of the hill and waited for me. The old guys on the tandem, Penn and Teller, they lapped me like 5 times. Pfft!! Old guys.

Ben was cool. He told me he started riding 2 years ago and has lost 70 lbs.. He was a cool guy and was clearly worked by the team. He kept up with them better than I did but by the end he was dropped.

I had a blast. Most of the time I was alone, almost all of the time except for when I was being passed. But I was not disheartened. I loved hearing the gears and grunts of these athletes and for a brief moment I was in the pack with them. It felt good.

I don't know if I will ever get that good. Don't know if I want to. Maybe when I am in my fifties and I can find another guy to ride tandem with me.

I found hapiness in being the new guy with the ratty shorts and $15 tech sweatshirt from Tar-jay. For now, the race is to lose the weight so that I can live. The race is to beat diabetes, to make it die before me. The race is to cross the first of many finish lines in the many physical feats that await me. The race is to live. All men die. Not every man truly lives.

I lived today. I lived well.

Current Measurements: VICTORIOUS

VICTORY VICTORY VICTORY!

I am seeing marked improvement on my measurements:
Chest: 45...    -1.5 inches
Waist: 45 1/2...  -3 inches
Thigh: 23...  +2.5 inches This is due to cycling like mad. My thighs are stronger.
Calf: 15 1/4...  -1 3/4 inches
Arm: 13...  +1/4 inch Again due to weight training.
Body Fat: 33.3%...  -1.3%
Body Mass Index: 34.4...  -2.7

Memories...

So Julie and were loading up old pix to our Mac the other night. Pictures taken from 2001-2004. I found myself quickly flipping through the pictures that I was in because I could not stand to see the condition my body was in at the time. FAT...with an "F" not a "PH."

It was totally shaming to me. That was when I was flirting with 260lbs!

Isn't it a shame? I know that I am not alone in this. How many of you do the same? Or, worse yet, avoid being in pictures at events because you are fat. You know what we are doing? We are excluding ourselves from the memory captures of our family because we chose food over our health. Does that ring true? Does it bring shame upon your shoulders? It does me.

So what's it going to be? That double cheese burger that Paris Hilton showcases on the TV commercial or being a part of the digitally captured memories of your children's youth?

Back from a Hiatus

I have not posted since my post surgery last Wednesday. I just have not been inspired but, rather, depressed. It is not easy being bed ridden for nearly a week. I know many face that in much longer stints.

I found myself craving fat foods to console my depression. Luckily I did not have any enablers nor did I really have much of an appetite.

But I find myself encouraged and re-inspired as I have lost 5.8 lbs since my last weigh in pre surgery. I weighed in at 228. A weight I sped by many  moons ago.

Today I worked out in an Aqua Aerobics class which was harder than I thought. It really is all about resistance, I can put as much pressure agains the water as I feel comfortable to do. Plus the water is warm so the heart rate heats up pretty good. I have started walking too and while it takes much longer to burn calories than jogging, I find that this may too be enjoyable. This week I plan to take my running shoes and walk at lunch. I walked on Friday in dress shoes and regretted it...blisters. Being diabetic I cannot wound my feet.

This morning I brought out my slacks that have eluded me for many months. Stubborn they are to not have stretched with me. But I have shrunk back to fit into them. This is inspiring. I have a new suit that I have only worn a handful of times that I can wear again. I cannot wait. It is snappy suit, black with faint pin stripes. Snazzy. I have a few dress shirts that can come out from hiding as well. This is all very moving for me.

So how is the diet going? Well it is going well as far as results go. I do find myself having food out side of the plan. But not totally. I am having vegetables here and there. Which is part of the less restrictive plan that others are on. The "Phase 2" plan. I find that helps me keep my sanity.

I am feeling better, my incision points still hurt. Last night Ava pushed on one and oh boy! I felt like I had been shanked by "Baby Face" Torresluna. Good heavens. I cannot wait for full healing and recovery

Wounded

Sitting in the Pre-Op room yesterday, getting ready for my surgery, I noticed one thing. I was the youngest patient in the area. Which caused me to think about why I was there. Then the Anesthesiologist said one thing about Diabetes that hit me.

"It ages you"

"It ages you." Wow. He is so right. For one, it shortens my life. Two: the ailments I suffer are more commonly suffered by those much older than me. Unfortunately, though, the age for those suffering from diabetes or are pre diabetic is getting younger and younger. (Insert public service announcement here)

I am ashamed of what I let myself get to. I am ashamed of the condition of my body. A condition caused solely by me. Not by McDonald's or any other food source. It is my responsibility to take care of "the temple" and I did not. "All things in moderation" so the adage goes.  But my soul does not deal well with moderation...obviously. I am ashamed.

To those of you reading this I tell you this: Don't let yourself go.

Last night, I slept through the hour in which I was supposed to take my pain medicine. I woke up to take it at 3am but it would be too late. I began to feel the incisions, the missing organ, the air pushing against my shoulders. And it was a pain like I had never suffered before. And, mind you, I have been stepped on and trampled on by a 2 thousand pound bull, walkig away with only a hole in my leg and several bruises. I would gladly take that pain again. This pain was awful awful awful.

Don't let yourself go. Don't eat all that fat and raise your cholesterol and irritate your gall bladder's function. All those wonderful feelings of downing that beautiful steak, or ribs, burgers, fries, fried chicken, Turkey Skin (I love the crispy skin on the thanksgiving bird), chips, etc. All the satisfaction that comes with your overindulgence will fade and quickly. What will not fade is what it does to your body. What will not fade is the damage to your organs, your skin, your mind.

I am glad I suffered such horrendous pain. I will not forget it. I will remember it the next time I long for a cheeseburger. The next time I reach for a second Half Rack of ribs.  Heck a serving of ribs is only 4 or six, I think.

That brings another point to mind. I and so many others have not idea what a serving is of anything. We are so uneducated when it comes to eating and eating well. But we know about living and living well which translates to over indulgence.

I am ashamed. I am ashamed that two years ago I ran off my weight and inspired so many in my circle and so many that read the article of my success. I gained it all back and lost a bit of my pride...a lot really. It is hard to have any pride when you are wearing a hospital gown and your rear is out for all the world to see.

I am ashamed that I have to suffer such intense pain and wear the scars now. Wounds....wounds that serve as a reminder of my reckless folly. I pray it keeps me motivated to treat my body better. It is mine to steward and I have not.

Life is meant to be enjoyed. God has given us the senses to enjoy all that he has created and all that man, with His creativity, has created. And He has given us free will. Will to choose what we do with His gifts and creations. To quote a line for Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade, the scene when the villain drinks from what he thought was the Holy Grail then dies.

"He chose poorly"

I have chosen poorly. Time and again. I have a family now that needs me to be around in all my health, not in all my fatty glory. So, I believe, God has brought me to this and has allowed the wounding to create a new man. And I am thankful for the scars for they will serve as a reminder.

Week 1.5 update

Because of my impending surgery, my weigh in came early. Which meant that I would not see a necessarily big number or comparable number to last week. But, nonetheless, there was loss. I lost 4 lbs since the last weigh in. I have consistently lost about a pound a day since starting the program. Since I first met the doc in January, I have lost 21 lbs. This is good. Very Good.

I still fear the surgery and the fact that exercise will be limited for a long time. I pray for quick healing so I can get back to the gym and the bike quickly.

48 Hours

In about 48 hours I will be "going under the knife" for a removal of my gall bladder. I am a bit nervous about it since I have never gone in for surgery at least not one in which I am complete out. I am also fearing the coming pain. It will be different than anything I have ever felt. It will be internal pain. Now I have been stepped on by Horses and Bulls, but having instruments probe my innards, well that sounds like a different kind of pain.

Still I find it necessary to share what Gall Stones are and why they can cause serious damage. This is cut and pasted by the way.

What are gallstones?


Gallstones are small, pebble-like substances that develop in the gallbladder. The gallbladder is a small, pear-shaped sac located below your liver in the right upper abdomen. Gallstones form when liquid stored in the gallbladder hardens into pieces of stone-like material. The liquid—called bile—helps the body digest fats. Bile is made in the liver, then stored in the gallbladder until the body needs it. The gallbladder contracts and pushes the bile into a tube—called the common bile duct—that carries it to the small intestine, where it helps with digestion.

Bile contains water, cholesterol, fats, bile salts, proteins, and bilirubin—a waste product. Bile salts break up fat, and bilirubin gives bile and stool a yellowish-brown color. If the liquid bile contains too much cholesterol, bile salts, or bilirubin, it can harden into gallstones.

The two types of gallstones are cholesterol stones and pigment stones. Cholesterol stones are usually yellow-green and are made primarily of hardened cholesterol. They account for about 80 percent of gallstones. Pigment stones are small, dark stones made of bilirubin. Gallstones can be as small as a grain of sand or as large as a golf ball. The gallbladder can develop just one large stone, hundreds of tiny stones, or a combination of the two.

The gallbladder and the ducts that carry bile and other digestive enzymes from the liver, gallbladder, and pancreas to the small intestine are called the biliary system.

Gallstones can block the normal flow of bile if they move from the gallbladder and lodge in any of the ducts that carry bile from the liver to the small intestine. The ducts include the

•hepatic ducts, which carry bile out of the liver

•cystic duct, which takes bile to and from the gallbladder

•common bile duct, which takes bile from the cystic and hepatic ducts to the small intestine

Bile trapped in these ducts can cause inflammation in the gallbladder, the ducts, or in rare cases, the liver. Other ducts open into the common bile duct, including the pancreatic duct, which carries digestive enzymes out of the pancreas. Sometimes gallstones passing through the common bile duct provoke inflammation in the pancreas—called gallstone pancreatitis—an extremely painful and potentially dangerous condition.

If any of the bile ducts remain blocked for a significant period of time, severe damage or infection can occur in the gallbladder, liver, or pancreas. Left untreated, the condition can be fatal. Warning signs of a serious problem are fever, jaundice, and persistent pain.

What causes gallstones?

Scientists believe cholesterol stones form when bile contains too much cholesterol, too much bilirubin, or not enough bile salts, or when the gallbladder does not empty completely or often enough. The reason these imbalances occur is not known.

The cause of pigment stones is not fully understood. The stones tend to develop in people who have liver cirrhosis, biliary tract infections, or hereditary blood disorders—such as sickle cell anemia—in which the liver makes too much bilirubin.

The mere presence of gallstones may cause more gallstones to develop. Other factors that contribute to the formation of gallstones, particularly cholesterol stones, include

•Sex. Women are twice as likely as men to develop gallstones. Excess estrogen from pregnancy, hormone replacement therapy, and birth control pills appears to increase cholesterol levels in bile and decrease gallbladder movement, which can lead to gallstones.

•Family history. Gallstones often run in families, pointing to a possible genetic link.

•Weight. A large clinical study showed that being even moderately overweight increases the risk for developing gallstones. The most likely reason is that the amount of bile salts in bile is reduced, resulting in more cholesterol. Increased cholesterol reduces gallbladder emptying. Obesity is a major risk factor for gallstones, especially in women.

•Diet. Diets high in fat and cholesterol and low in fiber increase the risk of gallstones due to increased cholesterol in the bile and reduced gallbladder emptying.

•Rapid weight loss. As the body metabolizes fat during prolonged fasting and rapid weight loss—such as “crash diets”—the liver secretes extra cholesterol into bile, which can cause gallstones. In addition, the gallbladder does not empty properly.

•Age. People older than age 60 are more likely to develop gallstones than younger people. As people age, the body tends to secrete more cholesterol into bile.

•Ethnicity. American Indians have a genetic predisposition to secrete high levels of cholesterol in bile. In fact, they have the highest rate of gallstones in the United States. The majority of American Indian men have gallstones by age 60. Among the Pima Indians of Arizona, 70 percent of women have gallstones by age 30. Mexican American men and women of all ages also have high rates of gallstones.

•Cholesterol-lowering drugs. Drugs that lower cholesterol levels in the blood actually increase the amount of cholesterol secreted into bile. In turn, the risk of gallstones increases.

•Diabetes. People with diabetes generally have high levels of fatty acids called triglycerides. These fatty acids may increase the risk of gallstones.

Who is at risk for gallstones?

People at risk for gallstones include

•women—especially women who are pregnant, use hormone replacement therapy, or take birth control pills

•people over age 60

•American Indians

•Mexican Americans

•overweight or obese men and women

•people who fast or lose a lot of weight quickly

•people with a family history of gallstones

•people with diabetes

•people who take cholesterol-lowering drugs

Oops I did it again!

So I decided we would go out to eat tonight, after all it is Valentine's day. And yes, we all need to learn not to associate food with events, but alas I succumbed and indulged in non plan food. Which is not allowed. So don't tell  on me.

Nonetheless I stayed on plan. Using the clues of Phase II of the plan, which allows the consumption of fruits and vegetables, I ordered a baked potato, with nothiing on it. And a salad, no dressing. I brought my own calorie free dressing. /

Walden Farms makes ZERO calorie items and they are quite tasty. http://www.waldenfarms.com

I then brought my Turkey and Beans Chili HMR meal and poured it on top of my potato. While waiting for our meals to arrive, I asked for a plate of carrot sticks and celery sticks. We used the dressing we brought and munched. It was quite ingenious, I must say. And enjoyable. WHile I did break the rules, I am proud that I did not jump off the wagon. But I hung on tight like Indiana Jones did on that Army Truck in Raiders of the Lost Ark!

I am proud of myself. 

Oh, and by the way, I was VERY full VERY quickly. I could not finish the potato nor the salad. So my tummy is shrinking, from the inside anyway.

Which brings me to another observation. Because I eat every 2 hours, I have found that I am not as hungry anymore. In fact I had to force myself to eat breakfast...2 hours after I woke up. Usually I have to eat within minutes of waking up. This is a very interesting development, but I surmise that it is because my metabolism is up. Which is fine by me.

Food Is Fuel, Not Our Friend

Remember Finding Nemo? The sharks' support group would say, "Fish are friends, not food!" I was reminded of this at my last weight loss class. A few of the participants had complaints about the taste and variety of the prepared meals. Despite the fact that these folks could add fruits and vegetables whereas I cannot, they still found something to complain about. Granted, this is not pre-packaged Maestro's or Morton's or mama's home cooking. It is prepackaged food for a weight loss program.

So I thought about this for a while afterwards, of course. And of course, I have some thoughts.

We are there in that meeting, in that program because of our love of food. We love the way it tastes, the memories it brings back, the memories it makes. Our whole life has revolved around food. Birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, etc. has been centered around food. The joy of cooking it ourselves, preparing it, seasoning it. So we have developed an addiction. We are here because we need to break off the love affair and use food as fuel to live and nothing else. We must approach it as fuel for our next activity and nothing else.

Food provides calories for our bodies to burn in its activities. It is intended to keep us alive. For some they can enjoy large amounts of it and not have a problem with weight gain. Although, I must say that cases of thin, in shape people suffering from high cholesterol is on the rise. So that may not be wholly true.

We are not as fortunate. We love food and food loves us. Therefore we must reprogram our brains..our bodies, our spirits. This will be hard. But for the next 12 weeks we eat to lose weight, we eat to take the next step, the next step towards a longer life.

We have been alive to food for too long. We must bury that person and resurrect as one who is alive to a whole new life...a life not revolved around food. A life revolved around others and not food.

Frustrating news...

This really stinks! I am having my Gall Bladder removed on Wednesday as well as multiple stones. I found out today that the surgeon recomends no exercise for 2 months!!!! 2 WHOLE MONTHS!!!

I have a call into my other Doctor to see if this is accurate. The problem is that if I am to make my goal, I need to burn 2-3000 calorie a week. If I cannot get up an move on even a bike, this will not happen. I cannot believe this. This is very discouraging...

Official Weigh In-Week One

 Well alright! 5.8 lbs after week one. Not shabby. Since I first saw the doc, in January I have lost 17 lbs.

During week one, I burned over 5,000 calories. They found in a study that those who burn a minimum of 2,000 calories a week can lose 2.8 lbs per week of the program. I plan on passing that. Although next week maybe a bit hard since I go in for surgery on Wednesday. I don' t know how long I have to sit out of the Gym. That concerns me. But, I will compensate by keeping a close eye on calories. Though that will be easy as my meals are planned out for me. I will just forgo the extra shakes and protein bars.

To hit my goal in 3 months, I need to drop an average of 6 lbs per week. Though I expect that some weeks will be less. But others may be huge hits!

So one week down, 12 to go.

Thanks for your support.

I Cheated...

.....yep I cheated. I am so terrible.

So how did I cheat? I weighed myself prior to Official Weigh in tomorrow. The verdict?

Down 6lbs since last Wednesday.

My Lumps! My Lumps! My Lovely Manly Lumps!

Jogging on the medeival tool of torture known as a tread mill (seriously, I jog for 20 minutes and I am still in the same spot as I started?) I could not help, unfortunately, but to feel the bouncey bouncey of my....extra poundage. My belly...no stomach, it is too big to be called a belly, my chest(I don't have man-boobs...), my chin(s) and cheeks (both).

You get the idea.

My body was bouncing with every pound pounce on the tread. Heart beat up, sweat rolling down and I thought to myself "How am I keeping going? This is not very comfortable!"

How do I keep the feet going? I imagine with each bounce that an smidge of fat is getting "bounced" from the party otherwise known as my body. (Oh and it's a party, but I digress.)

And that is the key to any athletic momentum. The mind must travel from it's current situation and envision something else. The mind will play with you. One side of the brain yells-YELLS, "STOP! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?" This is the side of the brain that I have always given in to and that I think most people do. It is typically the loudest, it is the part that wants to preserve your body and save it from pain and displeasure.

The challenge is giving a louder voice to the side of your brain, the creative side. This is the side that is able to transport itself to another place. Not exactly transcendental meditation but see it as a way to take your mind off of the task at hand as far as it's discomforts. Remember that we have the ability to control the thoughts of our mind and heart.

Victor Frankl wrote "Fundamentally, therefore, any man can, even under such circumstances, decide what shall become of him – mentally and spiritually."

So I picture what it will be like to run an extra 30 seconds without pain, with strength. And I do it. Then I think about with it will look like to run longer with few if any walk breaks. Or I think about what it will be like to see the looks on people's faces when I am at my goal weight. How I may inspire them to make a change for the better in their life.

I ask myself a series of questions:
What if this didn't hurt? What would you do?
Can you believe you are doing this?
Feels good doesn't it?
What feels better? Eating or this? No really.
Can you feel him inside there? Fighting to get out? Let him out! Let the thin man out, the strong one! He has been a prisoner for too long!

Some questions are not as serious:
Is she checking you out?
Is he checking you out? Eeewww, get back to running you idiot.
Are my shorts falling?
Was that me that just let out some gas? Nah, it was the guy next to me. Yeah, that's it.
Can everyone see this stomach bouncing?
Seriously, is she checking you out? Oh never mind, she is like 80.

Point is, I do whatever it takes to envision success. To find joy in the discomfort. A wise friend once told me that our bodies were made for running. I am doing to my body what it wants to do.

As for the pain, I invite it. I ask it get bigger and bigger so that I can see it. I run in to it, not away from it. I put my head down and run through it. For on the otherside is VICTORY! On the otherside of the wall is the man that cries to be free! It is my mission to seek him. To set him free.

Strength and Honor. What we do in life, echoes in eternity.

Going to the Gym is Catholic Experience For Me...

When I walk into the Gym and see the Instructors, I feel compelled to confess. Seriously it is like going to a confessional for me.

Bless me Gym Rat for am Fat.
It has been 2 weeks since my last workout.
I lusted for the Super China Buffet 3 times.
I lied about how many times I went to McDonald's to my wife.
I super sized each time.
I idolized a beautiful Porter House at the Stater Bros. Meat counter.
I ate two twinkies out of the box while walking to the checkout stand. (But I was walking at the same time!)
I only drank 32 oz's of water a day...and had 32 oz's of coffee...
I did not "Go Skinny" on my Caramel Macchiato
I added too much dressing to my salad...and I added fritos as croutons.
For my cheese serving I at a snack pack of Cheezits...okay okay...I ate the whole box.
I used Peanut M&M's as my "Protein" snack
When I was supposed to do 15 reps on the chest press I only did 13...okay okay...12.
I picked the parkins spot closest to the gym so I did not have to walk as far.
Father Gym Rat...that is all my sin.

"Go on my fat one...and do 200 Sit ups and Crunches...you shall be forgiven"

DAY ONE...I am moving my office to the bathroom....

It seems like it took forever for this day to come. Well in a way it did...it took 34 years!

The Doc has me off the Byetta until my Gall Bladder removal. So I don't have the full feeling that it gave me. And boy can I tell. I ate breakfast at 7am, a shake and a cereal packet. 2 hours on the nose, I was hungry. I had one of the program snack bars. 2 hours later, I was VERY hungry, but it was lunch time. Beef and Bean Enchiladas...it was not El Torito but it was good. Had a shake 2 hours later and that was good. I mixed in coffee with the vanilla powder. It was like a 'nilla frapuccino. But it is 3 and I am very hungry and out of food. Hmmm....going to the gym too. It may be 4 hours before I can eat again. I don't think that is a good thing.

3:25 - I found a sample of the soup meal replacement in my brief case. Thank you God! I think I will survive now.

Holy cow does this plan make me pee! Easily I have made at least 15 trips if not 20. Man o man! Of course I am also on track to drink 94 fluid ounces of water. My dietician says that the body will eliminate excess water that it is holding because we are cutting the sodium. So the first weigh in could be HUGE...mostly water weight.

Since my initial weigh in with the Doctor in January, I have lost 11 pounds. At the end of 15 hours on this plan, I have lost nothing. I am giving up!!!

Nah, just kidding.

Oh Boy!!

I found out that I have MULTIPLE gall stones. MULTIPLE! So I will soon be going under the knife and have my gall Bladder removed. I pray that they find the part of me that craves food and cut that out too!

Apparently Gall Bladders are not that necessary. Interesting, I had no idea. I guess it will be a Laproscopic surgery as it was for Julie. But still, it wigs me out a bit.

Truly, being Fat is one medical complication after another. It really is a problem in this society...in this age. Not that I want laws and "fat" taxes, I still believe in freedom and personal choice. It really is too sad that healthy foods cost SO much more than mass produced, processed foods.

Well enough of that. I am off to sit on the couch and play Wii. The wife and I are going out for a late night date to have one last meal "send off"

Bleh....

So tonight is the big night. I pick up my food and start the program. It's very exciting.

But today, I had a TK Burger. TK's is a place in Costa Mesa that is incredible for their burgers. Took one down along with the standard accoutrement. (Fries and a Root Beer)

I left feeling totally gross. It tasted good, don't get me wrong. But I felt gross. Now I am at my desk with a brick in my stomach. No good...no good I tell you. But how many times have I done this to myself? Too many times to count. Too Too Too Too many.

I pray that I remember this icky feeling.

Today

Nothing to report today. 24 hours left until the weigh in and program start. I had a yummy dinner from Blue Agave Yorba Linda. And I am tired. I will have more to say tomorrow.

The Battle Plan

Okay. So here is the plan.

The goal is to beat the diabetes and get off the meds. So my Endocrinologist who is one the premiere specialists in the country is helping me do this with a 3 pronged attack.

1. 1000 mg of Metformin, Twice Daily
2. Two shots a day of Byetta. Whose biggest side effect is Weight Loss.
3. HMR Medically managed weight loss program. 3 shakes and 2 packaged entres.

So with this, I should be on a strong trajectory to lose 80 lbs, and be off the medicines! This will be good.

This will be hard.

It Has Been Clinically Proven

Got a call from the Dr. today. It turns out that I have fat deposits in my liver. Not an entirely serious condition, in fact very common for overweight folks.

I responded "Oh well, I guess it's true then!"

"What's that?" she asked.

"I am fat. The jury was out on the matter but now that it is clinically proven...there is just no denying it."

She laughed and said "That's one way of looking at it."

She also shared that I have SEVERAL gall stones and that I had to see my General Practitioner for a referral for surgery. Well, he called today and wants me to go under the knire ASAP.

SOOOO....I will be having my first surgery ever. This will be fun! I hope they keep the stones, I want to see them! Is that bad?

Thoughts from the Saddle

Every now and then I will post "Thoughts from the Saddle" which are random thoughts or streams of thought that come to me while on a bike ride. The seat of a bike is called a saddle. I wish it was a horse, it has been too long since I have ridden a horse.

I went for ride yesterday, 15 miles. On the Santa Ana River Trail. On Saturday mornings the trail is chock full of walking and running clubs. Not the best choice of time for cyclists. One of those walkers cut right in front of me and not quickly mind you. No a pathetic little shuffle across the trail with a cartoonish little giggle, I am sure because she knew she made a poor choice.

Word to the less wise: Do not shuffle, scuttle, tip toe, meander, walk, lollygag, waltz, wander, skip...you get the idea. Do not do any of the above RIGHT in front of a FAT MAN riding 12 MPH (that's not that fast as far as cycling goes, but it is fast for me) on a fast bicycle. Especially since he is "clipped" in to those pedals. Why? See the following:
THE DEFINITION OF MOMENTUM:
1) noun, physics the product of a body's mass and its velocity.
2) noun, the impetus of a body resulting from its motion
3) noun, driving power or strength
This body's mass is is massive. Therefore, think twice and look thrice before crossing paths with such a cyclist as me.

On a better note. I rode by one running/jogging club. At the very tail end of the group was a guy who was easily 300lbs. just plodding along. Sweaty and obviously fatigued, he kept picking those feet up, one after the other. I rode by him and as I passed him, I gave him a thumbs up and fist pump.

"Good for him!" I thought. I was right there with him. I WAS there 2 years ago as I trained to run a 5k and subsequent half marathon.

Big guys like me have a lot of perseverence. So the rest of my ride was spent thinking about the source of my perseverance...the source in me that can push through pain and ride 63 miles on a bike with a TINY TINY seat (well maybe not so tiny, but compared to this fat a**...well you know).

So I am working on articulating that thought. Tune in later.

Man writes how 'Rocky' made him fit – yo! | running, Rocky II, fitness, workout inspiration, weight loss - Life - OCRegister.com

This is from 2 years ago. What a diffence 2 years makes:
Man writes how 'Rocky' made him fit – yo! |OCRegister.com

Some People Just Don't Get It

The following is a list of clueless phrases that come from thin people to fat people who are struggling to lose weight.

1. Don't diet, diets don't work, just lead a healthy lifestyle.
2. Drink more water
3. Drink less Soda
4. Eat less, that is all!
5. Make better food choices.
6. Have chicken less meat.
7. Have no meat! Go vegetarian.
8. Just walk more. That is not hard!
9. You don't need to eat sweets, have fruit!
10. Have more vegetables!
11. Just have soup before you eat.
12. I am here to support you (which translates to "I am going to give ongoing commentary on how your chosen method to lose weight is really a bad choice")

They mean well. But they just don't get it. They have never had a relationship with food like a fat person has. heck some couldn't even get fat if they wanted to, yet they feel they know the keys to the "thin kingdom." To these people, being thin makes them experts to comment on the habits of fat people.

There are myriad reasons for being fat. Physioligically, psychologically, physically, etc. Countless are the studies on the reasons behind obesity. Just watch TV news between December 15th and January 15th. You will hear and see all kinds of studies.

My favorite is the "It's not about diet, it's about lifestyle" Oh REALLY? Wow, I did not know that. So now not only am I fat, I am stupid too! Gee golly, thanks. Or how about "Get a side salad instead of fries!" Really, it's just THAT simple. WOWEE!! And you haven't marketed that idea, genius? What are you waiting on, you will make a million selling copies of your books, go on Oprah with this secret and all of America will be saved!

Well intetioned as the skinnies may be, their comments are often callous and thoughtless. Just phrases they picked up from reading the magazines at the check out stand while they were buying their stalks of celery and Healthy choice Ice Cream.

The point is. I have made a choice. Chosen a plan. And that's it. You want to give you're two cents? Keep the change, go buy a Twinkie. You want to support, then do so. But do not think it gives you license to destroy the morale in the room just because you read something in Redbook last month after you finished reading the latest "positions to make him go wild TONIGHT!"

Angry? Why, yes. Fattness, in all it's glory is because of addiciton. It is deeply seated and not easy to conquer. It often takes extreme measures. It is a long road to unpave. And quick fix pithy comments are no solution nor help in the effort. It is a WAR. Fought every minute of every day of every week of every month of every year. And as in any war, granola type hippies are of little help.

To quote Wyatt Earp in "Tombstone:"
      Damnit Ike, either get in the fight or get out of the way!

So you want to help that fat friend of yours who is trying an unconventional way to lose weight. Pick up your gun and strap yourself to his/her back and fight off the Skinny Hippies who come at you. All they will do is hold you back.

Why "The Long Kiss Goodbye?"

I love food. I love cooking it, serving it, eating it. I love the smells, the flavor, the experience of food. It is an orgiastic feast of the senses that gives me great pleasure. I have loved food so long that I can say with certainty that it was my first lover.

As with any lover, she gives and she takes. But what she gives so often outweighs what she takes. She is the mistress of my life but not one that I keep a secret. No no. It is no secret that she is my lover. The whole world knows of our sordid, decades long romance. She is a temptress and a seductress who is found at every corner seeking to devour me...seeking for me to devour her. To drink in her delicasy is to experience love for the very first time, every time.

At every corner she is there seeking me. On every channel of the TV and Radio she is calling me to her. Seduced by her very appearance I begin to fantasize of her aromas, her depth of flavors, the warm filling sensation of partaking. She is the lover of my life, the one that has always been there. From her most simplistic forms to the elaborate feast, I seek her exquistiness at every turn.

She is the reason I go to parties, the reason I spend the cash in my pocket. She is the one that too often soothes an aching soul. She invites me to enjoy her and like a love struck schoolboy succumb to her beck and call. She is the first thought of my day and the last.

But alas, I am jilting my lover. I am leaving her for she has devoured me to the point of death. She has taken more than she has ever given. She has given, oh yes. But at what price has this seductress taken me? Is being a part of my children's life the price I must pay to love you? To have you love me? Do you love me? Or have I let myself be fooled, distracted by your overwheling control of all my senses.

I recall one day. My family was gone for the eveining. All day I plotted my evening alone. I would leave work and head straight to the store  and purchase the most beautifully marbd steak at the counter. Thick, juicy, full of promise. Indeed for I have spent the day researching different ways to prepare it. Looking for the one method that would surely give me the most pleasure in preparation and in eating. Next I would seek out the perfect accompaniment. Salad? Asparagus? Potato....ah yess a nice large Russet potato. The biggest one on the block. But food was not enough, next would be the perfect drink.  A nice cabernet. Then I would drive home listening to the most elegant of music preparing myself for the dance that would start upon arrival. First the seasoning, only the finest combination will do. For I want the complexity of the experience upon the first bite. With song playing and the pour of the wine, we start the dance. Giving way to the sweet aromas from the grill and stove. Ahh yess. I am loving this and I feel loved. I am feasting even now while the food is cooking. All culminating at a finely set table.

I am alone but I am not alone.  am with my lover the one who has been there my whole life and oh she has not let me down tonight. What a feast! What a celebration of the senses!

So long lover. You are mine no more. You have destroyed me, consumed me to the point of destruction. I will leave you. I would thank you for the memories but looking back now, you were killing me bite by bite, smell by smell, drink by drink. You sought control of me and I let you have it for the promises you made. But you always broke those promises. Wretched lover!

Surely I will be victorious. I will not be controlled by you any longer. You are mine now. But I am not yours. You will come only when I call, when I need you. You may try to lure me back; but, I am done with you. You are small to me now. Insignificant. Be damned lover! I am a new man now.

A new man now.

My Purpose For This Here Thing

So I have been inspired to start a blog. This is my first time doing such a thing. So forgive me for not being to smooth with it.

So why? Well, on February 3rd I will be starting with a medically supervised weight loss program through my medical group. It is designed for rapid weight loss especially for someone like me that is a Type 2 diabetic.

I have no idea what to expect but I know that I am ready to do it. I am ready to lose the weight that I have carried all my life. The next 3 months will be hard and inspiring at the same time. It will be hard, oh yes! In essence I am entering a 90 detox to lose 40 plus pounds. The ultimate goal is to lose 80 and be below 170. Thaaat's right. I am, well was 255. I say"was" because when I first met with the Endocrinologist that supervises the program I weighed 255. Three weeks later I am 245. In part due to the new medicine I am on. Weight loss is a side effect. (gee bummer)

So I want to catalog my experience. I hope it would inspire others, thin or fat. I also want my children to some day read about their dad's struggle. I fear they may have the same challenges one day. I pray not.

I am no superhero. There are chinks in my armor and i feel the transparency that comes with documenting this journey on a blog will provide a certain level of accountability. I hope I am right.

I also am writing it to give myself a vehicle for venting and celebrating. A place to rant and rave can be very cathartic and therapeutic.

So this will be a journal of a fat man. A simple fat man who wants to improve his quality of life and that improvement is directly tied to my waistline. I hope you find inspiration in my trials and successes. This may be narcissistic, but so what? If you think so, then don't read it!

I spent some time this afternoon handwriting out my first rant and rave. I will be posting it soon.

Thanks for reading, I hope you stay for the journey.